We were in Florida for the weekend and I had a huge surprise for Jordan. She had everything else planned out for her wedding except the dresses so I had Kelly, Hannah and Taylor flying in so we could all go shopping. Jordan needed to find the perfect dress for her perfect day. She deserved it. And I was gonna make sure it happened for her.
I stood in the pool with a margarita in my hand, my hair up in a bun and my sunglasses on my face while Jordan sat on the edge with her feet in the water. Seth had Gracie inside with him and Roman while they watched a football game. I looked at Jordan. "So, have you thought any more about your wedding plans?" I asked.
"Yeah." she said. "I have the bridesmaids mostly figured out and I have you as my maid of honor. I do want JoJo as a bridesmaid too."
I smiled. "You and JoJo have gotten really close, huh?" I asked. She was definitely owning this whole step mom thing. It honestly made me proud. She was genuinely happy with her life and I could see it every time I was around her.
"Yeah, we have. It's crazy. I feel like she's my own daughter. I love being around her. I love spending time with her. She's just so full of light and she's smart." she said.
"Well, I think it's wonderful that you love her so much. I'm sure it makes it so much easier on Roman too." I said. She smiled. "So, what else are you thinking?"
"Well, I want Alexander to be ring bearer. I told you that already. And what I haven't told you is that I'd like for Gracie to be my little flower girl." she said.
I smiled. "I think that's a wonderful idea." I said. She smiled a little. There was a huge elephant in the room, or outside. I had to address it. I walked through the water and stood next to Jordan as I put my margarita down on the cement. "Listen, I think we should talk." She looked at me. "That day shook us all up. I was in way over my head when I wrote those letters. And I've started to move past it but you and I haven't really talked about it. About how you felt about it." She looked away. "Jordan, I need you talk to me about how you're feeling."
She looked back at me and I saw a tear roll down her cheek. "I was terrified." she said. "When I read that letter you wrote to me, my heart broke. You and I have been through so much together in our lives. We grew up next door to each other. We spent a lot of holidays and birthdays together. We spent a almost every day together. The thought of losing you, it was something I couldn't imagine and it hurt so bad. I felt like I had lost a piece of me. I couldn't understand how you could just say goodbye through a letter and walk away. It was like I was losing this vital piece of my life. I didn't know what I was gonna do. How I was gonna go through the rest of my life knowing that my best friend isn't there. I never wanna imagine it. It's too much to imagine." She wiped away a tear from her cheek. "You really hurt me by doing what you did. I was so angry at you. And I guess in a way I still am because it felt like it was so easy for you to say goodbye and walk away."
I grabbed her hand. "Jordan, that couldn't be further from the truth. Writing those letters was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." I said. "When I talked to officer Reeves about that plan, I didn't realize that I was putting myself in danger. I thought it wouldn't go as far as it did. But when I started writing those words, I realized that what I thought was so wrong. And in that moment, I knew I would be hurting a lot of people but I also realized that if I didn't go through with it, I was putting a lot of people in danger. There was no telling how far Trent would have gone to get to me. And I didn't want you or Gracie or Seth or anybody else to pay that price. Jordan none of it was easy. Not a single bit. The thought of never seeing you again, it crushed me because you and I are so close and we always have been. You're my best friend. My sister. And I know I hurt you and it was never my intention. And you have to know that I value our friendship very, very much."
