Nine months. That's how pregnant I am now. I was close to popping. I was in constant aches and pains. Even through the baby shower Jordan and the girls had planned for me a couple weeks ago, I was in pain. Small contractions here and there and my back was in constant pain. But I was close to my due date. Just two more weeks and my son would be here. I would get to see my baby boy. Gracie would get to see her little brother. My family would be more complete.
On another note, over the past three months, I've spent more and more time with Seth. We haven't slept together since the day I found out we were having a boy but we've had some fun together. He'd gone with Gracie and I to the park. We've gone on picnics. I've talked to him some more about his past and our lives together hoping that something, anything would spark a whole world of memories that he doesn't remember. But, just like every day, nothing. There was no memory. No trace of anything. I only got more deflated about it the more I got my hopes up. And it was killing me. Especially with how close I was to having this baby. I wanted him to be there for it. I haven't even asked him yet because I was banking on him remembering before then and there wouldn't be a problem. But there was. And it didn't seem like it was gonna be resolved any time soon.
I sat on the park bench with Seth while Gracie was playing. She was running around now and she could say a few more words. I'd taught her to say 'love you' which really only sounds like 'lub oo' but it's so cute the way she says it. And Seth has fallen in love with her too. I mean, the real him already loved her more than his own life but this version of him was getting there too. So today we were spending the day with him. Before I wouldn't be able to anymore. Before I had this baby and all my time was taken up. I had to give this one last try with him.
"So, I'll be having the baby anytime now." I said catching his attention.
He looked at me and smiled. "Yeah. I can't wait to see him." he said.
"You're gonna be there, right?" I asked. "Next to me? Holding my hand? Helping me through it?"
"I don't know about that." he said. "That'd be kind of awkward, wouldn't it?"
"No." I said. "I want you there."
"I don't think so." he said.
"Why won't you do this?" I asked turning my body towards him. "It's like, lately I've been giving you chances to do things the old you would have done and you keep passing them up."
"Well maybe that's the problem. You're trying too hard to turn me into the old me." he said. He stood up. "Don't you get it Davina? I'm never gonna remember. I'm never gonna remember loving you. Or being a father or a husband. I'm never gonna be what you want me to be. So maybe we just need to cut our losses and be done with it."
"What?" I asked standing up. "Seth, no."
"My name is not Seth. It's Colby. And I'm sorry Davina. But I can't do this anymore. I don't want to." he said before walking away. I sat back down and looked at the ground as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. What the hell just happened?
******
I'd dropped Gracie off with my parents and then went home. I just needed a couple hours to myself. I needed to process what happened at the park and figure out where I go from here. But as soon as I walked into the house, I just got really angry. I started throwing stuff around forgetting that Roman and Jordan were in their room. I was screaming, crying, things were shattering.
"Davina?" Roman yelled as he ran out to the living room. He held his hands up and Jordan stood behind him a little looking at me with her eyes wide. "Calm down. Talk to us."
"There's nothing you can do." I yelled. "My husband doesn't remember who I am and now he's made it clear that he doesn't want to remember."
"What?" he asked. "Seth said that?"
