Secrets :: Larry

-15-

Louis

Harry pulled back after a bit and I couldn't help but smile. I slowly opened my eyes, letting me see the angel who was my savior, who helped me . . . But most of all, he knew my secrets and he stayed. He didn't leave, he stayed and helped me.

Tears began to brim in my eyes as I kept staring at the angel before me. I never noticed as a tear slipped down and started to slide from my face. Harry reached out his hand and wiped it away, soon, caressing my cheek. I smiled widely and soon remembered where I was and why I was here. I raised my arm and looked down at the gauze and a small clear tube popping out from underneath the wrapping. My bottom lip quivered and I closed my eyes tightly.

I'm such a pathetic loser! Why did I do this? I would've lost Harry! I would've never confessed anything! Why do I even have to be here? Oh, God, please help me. I'm so lost and destroyed! I soon felt my cheeks wetten from tears falling from my eyes. I shook my head and began sobbing. I felt arms wrap around me and hold me close.

"W-why?" I croaked out. "Why c-can't I do a-anything r-right? I just h-had to go and c-cut myself like a-an idiot!" Harry squeezed me and I wrapped my arms around his waist, his head was buried in my neck and I couldn't even think of myself. I kept shaking my head in disappointment.

"P-please stop, L-Louis. P-please?" He tore his head from my neck and looked at me. I was a mess and so was he.. and it was my fault. I made him a mess. I shook my head. He began to sob and cry harder. "Please! P-please, Louis! P-please." He whispered the last part, breaking down and collapsed on me. My sobs and cries were now getting worse.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry, H-H-Harry." He pecked my wet cheek and then my lips, holding his lips in place for a moment before pulling away append resting our heads against each other. We stayed like that for awhile, our breathing painfully slowing down slowly. My breathing was a bit sketchy, as was Harry's.

"I love y-you, Louis. I will do anything t-to keep you safe. Even if it means f-for me to l-leave you." He whispered, his voice cracking. I shook my head and clung onto Harry's shirt and began to cry.

"P-please don't!" He began to cry again. It hurt to cry, it hurt to smile, either way, happy or sad. It always seemed to be painful. "H-Harry?"

"Y-yes?" I let out a shaky breath before speaking.

"D-does it hurt t-to smile?" He slowly pulled away from me. I clung his shirt tighter, afraid he would disappear and leave me, forever. The thought coming in my mind, had my eyes burning with tears.

"S-sometimes, why?"

"No matter what. . . It w-will always h-hurt. Smiling or not, pain w-will never leave. . . Why?" I whispered, never making eye contact and locking my eyes with his shirt. It took awhile for him to respond, a long while. Later, he replied with,

"Pain? Their are two or more types of pain. Good and bad." His sniffled softly and I frowned. "When you smile, their's good pain and bad pain. When you frown, it's twice the bad pain and no good. It hurts because their's nothing left to feel. The happiness inside you has burned, the sadness you're hiding has erupted and is screaming for attention. You feel so empty, not even pain can defeat pain, but why do we feel it even if we're the happiest?" He shook his head and looked as if he was staring in to space and random words were being put together to make sense but no sense at all. I looked up at his eyes, trying to find what he was hiding or trying to show, but I found nothing. Just a blank stare.

Then, he looked up at me. "We are pain. Nothing else. We are the definition for pain, us humans. That's what it is."

I listened to every word he spoke and kept it, holding onto his words for everything. I was holding onto his words because they were him. We kept staring at each other. Not any awkward stare but something as if we could speak with our minds and thoughts. Like - we had nothing to lose except for each other and once we're gone. That's it. I am him and he is me. We are the definitions for each other. Without each other, their's no one but a lost soul trapped in a body that wants to leave and that's what I was. I was a trapped soul in a body without Harry. But with him, I am me. I am Louis Tomlinson.

A smile slowly formed on my lips.

"Thank you, Harry. I love you." He etched his eyebrows but smiled anyways.

"You're welcome and I love you, too, Louis." He said and pecked my lips. I scooted over a bit and he laid by me. He smiled and trailed his hand down my arm, placing his hand over mine and lacing his fingers with mine. I smiled and he squeezed my hand.

"You're what I need, Harry." I spoke softly as he buried his head in the crook of my neck.

"And you are what I've been looking for, you're my future, Louis." He whispered and we soon closed our eyes, drifting from reality.