Black Coffee :|: America x Russia :|: Countryhumans

Act II, Chapter Thirty-Three

"Please don't let that thing in the house!"

"What's fuckin' stoppin' me?"

"Me!! That thing is clearly a tiny alien! If you let that in the house it will crawl into our ears when we're sleeping and slurp up our brian juices!!"

New Zealand raised an eywbrow, "'Brain juices'?"

"That's the scientific term for it, yes," America confirmed, crossing his arms.

Russia chuckled and rolled his eyes as Australia kept staring at the huge potato beetle that was pitifully struggling to tip itself right-side up. It had fallen onto its back and its weight was far too disproportionate to get back on its feet. Aussie had found it sprawling around in the garden along the path to the front steps and had become immediately infatuated, trying to tip it back over with a long blade of grass.

She was not having much luck.

"I'm gonna name them Sandy," Australia giggled, affectionately patting it with the tip of the blade of grass.

"No, don't name it!" America groaned. "You'll get attatched!"

"Too late bro-bro, already am. Aren't you just the cutest little buggy ever?~"

The parents had already headed inside, dropping off everyone's luggage to their respective rooms like the slaves they were. Since this whole trip was supposed to be a bonding experience, everyone had been put into rooms with someone from the opposite family, including the parents.

And considering how the drive there went, no one was overly optimistic.

"What is it?" Sovi asked curiously, wonder etched into his youthful features as he pressed his cheek to the dirt and stared at Sandy.

"That's a potato beetle! I know cause they kinda look like wasps, but, y'know, without wings or a stinger," Belarus prattled off, earning a surprised and impressed look from everyone but Australia, Sovi and New Zealand. Australia and Sovi being too preoccupied with their new pal and Kiwi already knowing how smart Belarus really was behind that ditzy demeanour.

Belarus pouted at everyone's shock and crossed her arms, "What? I can be smart too, y'know!"

Kiwi just chuckled and pat her head, which made the small Slavic girl blush and giggle.

"Well, whatever it is, we should leave it," Kazakhstan determined, gently trying to pull his baby brother and Australia away from the creature. "We don't want to take it out of its home, afterall."

Australia pouted but complied, stepping away from Sandy after she finally successfully popped them back on their feet.

"Why don't we head inside now, hmm?" Poland started, clapping his hands and walking towards the door, Germany in toe. Everyone followed along at their own pace, Kazakhstan literally having to drag Sovi away from Sandy (who had managed to tip themselves over again with literal seconds of being saved) and Australia not being too keen either.

Ukraine was just about to follow them all in as well before Canada caught her arm.

"Don't you want to go hiking with me? You said when we got here we'd go hiking," Canada reminded her when she turned to face him.

Ukraine made a face, "But we just got here! The drive was so long and I just wanna chill out now. Plus, I'm not much of an outdoors person."

A look of hurt flashed across Canada's face before he covered it up with a smile, "Oh, ok, sure, no worries..."

Ukraine frowned, "We can go if you want-"

"No, no it's fine!" Canada excused hurriedly, rushing to the door. "Let's just go inside."

▪▪¤▪▪

"CANNONBALL!!"

America sighed contently when he flopped onto his large queen-sized bed, enjoying the soft blanket and supporting mattress on his joints still aching from the car ride over.

"Hold on, what the fuck?"

America looked up at the being who rudely interrupted his alone time in his lovely room to find none other than his driving partner.

America raised an eyebrow "Russia? What are you doing in my room?"

"According to your dad, it's our room," Russia groaned, face palming as he dragged his suitcase over to the large walk in closet.

"What?!?" America scoffed, looking around. "But there's only one bed!"

"That's the idea!" Britain called from the hallway, ducking his head in to wink at his son and quickly slamming the door shut and running away to avoid having a lamp thrown at him.

"DAD, WHAT THE FUCK!" America yelled, his cheeks reddening significantly. His only answer was the chorus of laughter he heard (mainly from his family) on the other side of the door.

"Is your whole family this pushy or just you two?"

"Just Br-Dad," America narrowed hid eyes at Russia. "And I'm not 'pushy' thank you very much!"

Russia snorted, "Yes you are."

"No, I'm not! Give me ONE example!"

"What about--"

"Actually, no, don't answer that," America muttered, flopping back onto the soft bedsheets.

"This feels like something out of a fanfic."

"A 'fanfic'?" Russia asked, raising an eyebrow. "Is that a weird American ritual?"

"I mean you're not wrong--" America shot up, flabbergasted. "You don't know what a fanfic is?!?"

"No...?" Russia answered, confused as he began sifting through his suitcases to find the bottles of vodka he'd stashed to give them to Nazi before he came in asking for them; in hopes of maybe getting a shorter sentence on good behaviour. Naïve, considering this is Nazi, but hey let the guy dream.

"Fanfics? Fanfiction? Fuckin erotica, I dunno!"

"Erotica?" Russia chuckled. "Why does that sound like something Japan's muttered to me before?"

"Uhh, because it absolutely is! God you are so uncultured," America sighed aggrivatedly, rubbing his temples as he stared at the ceiling.

"Maybe I'm just not familiar with the English word for it...? Explain what a fanfic is."

"Well," America sat up and pushed his sunglasses up like he was smart. "It's stories someone writes about an existing story. It usually has classic troupes-slash-cliches, two people being forced to share one bed being a very popular one. Also truth or dare, seven minutes in heaven, alcoholic mistakes aaaaaaaand hot tubs."

Russia paled, walking over to the window and splitting the curtain slightly, "...and these are all things to make the main characters fall for each other, correct?"

America shot him finger guns at him, clicking his tongue against his teeth twice, "You got it, bro."

Russia slid the curtains open to reveal a hot tub lounging on the deck nestled in the garden, innocent as ever.

America half-laughed and shook his head.

"Oh hell no."