Autism, From Someone Who Is On The Spectrum

Being Autistic and Apologizing (December 2019)

"I do not apologize because I have to, I apologize because I care. Because I know what it is like to feel hurt and have others be insensitive to my needs and feelings. I never want anyone to feel that way, at least on my behalf, if I can help it. Saying I am sorry is the least I can do to let others know they and their feelings matter to me and have value."-Cynthia Zuber

As female on the spectrum I realize and someone, who empath with others. I find myself apologized for things that make me. Partly that because I know that some of things I do. Do not make sense to others because it is not typical behavior to most people. In relationships in any kind, I need constant reinsure because I feel like I am going to do something that is not make sense to the person instead of them asking about it, I am convinced that they will give up on me. In my mind, there is no in between which is something those are close me know that it is not my fault.

Couple months ago, I found a post by the same person explaining what it is like to be autistic in relationships because we have trouble reading other people in the relationship. In many ways, I apologize when I think I have done something that does not make sense to the person because I feel that I am at fault with my autism. I noticed that it is habit because people have made me feel guilty or that I should apologize for being different or doing something that does not make sense to them. In friendship, that means I feel like I push the red button for them until someone get annoyed with me.

The problem with knowing you are different from what people expect you to be, in a situation that you tell the other person is uncomfortable in, you tend to blame yourself for them being uncomfort by situation which is not my fault at all. When in many case the situation cause anxiety for the autistic and they are not able to hide their reaction to the situation in a way that make sense to the outside world. It is easier for others understand anxiety but many autistic deal with anxiety from trying to hide our autistic traits from the world.

If you know someone, who is known for apologizing maybe asking why they feel like they need to. If you know why, maybe it will more sense on why someone is doing it. If you know someone with autism, maybe reminded them that are okay if they feel different from the world because those uniqueness make our society better. To the person, who is more empathy toward others remind yourself that you deserve the same support as others.

"The truth is, I'm sensitive, I get hurt and confused a lot and sometimes draw wild conclusions in my mind about what might be going on with someone surrounding situations that involve me. I also say and do things that hurt others, although never intentionally. However, if I learn my words or actions have injured another, I am willing to listen, say I'm sorry, learn what I need to grow from it and improve and try to do better next time."-Cynthia Zuber