Autism, From Someone Who Is On The Spectrum

Autism and Absorbing Emotions (February 2020)

"Autistic people often absorb the emotions and mental states of the people around us. Due to our heightened sensory and emotion perception, many autistic people are highly aware of the general emotional states of the people around us. We may not be able to identify what those emotions are, or where they are coming from, but we sense them acutely. Many of us are also hyper-empathic, so we absorb those emotions like a sponge and often feel them to amplified degree. This can present challenges, especially when it leads to us becoming overwhelmed to that we enter a shutdown or meltdown state. When my family is bickering, I become irritable. When people around me are laughing, I find myself laughing along. When someone nearby is crying, I feel distressed. Because of this, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between my own emotions, and the emotions I have picked up from other people. It is important to note that our hyper-empathy do not always translate to overt displays of sympathy. When we become too overstimulated by other people's emotions, we lose the ability to respond to their needs. We shut down to protect ourselves and regain equilibrium. We might avoid eye contact, touching other people, or speaking with other people. This is a coping mechanism, it does not mean we are cold and uncaring, it means we are feeling too much."-The Autisticats

As female on the spectrum, this hardest part of being us. Female on the spectrum deal with being more emotion based than male on spectrum. This one of many reason that females go undiagnosed because people unaware that Autism presents differently between males and females on the spectrum. Most autistic females are called dramatic or emotional and if you actually get to know them most of them are level-head than most people. But like everyone, we figure out showing our emotions get our point across when something is bothering us.  

Growing up, I did not know if I was feel my actual emotions and mental state or the emotions and mental states from the others around me. Many years, I did not know how to label the emotions I was feeling because some of them were not my emotions at all.  I still am very selective of who I let in my space, it is not easy for me to be a lot of people for long period. This includes people I have know many years because certain people drain me just like everyone else.   It make tough on myself to know if I am the one experiencing the emotion or it has to do with who I am around.  Certain people I have an uneasy feeling around and I learned that is sensory response to the fact that this person mess with my emotions and mental state in a way that most people do not understand.

My "little brother" always says it best "I am the most level-headed person, he knows but occasional emotions get involved and that might only way you might actually get what I actually feeling about things." Because I rarely actually express those emotions because I have learned to filter out emotions so I do not absorb emotions and mental states from the people around me.  As someone, who is empathic toward others but I did not know words express those emotions for many years because I was called overly emotional Autistic.  When it is I absorb emotions from others without people understanding that they make others for feel things that are not theirs. 

"Shoutout to fellow Autistics who feel their emotions too deeply. Those who get told they are "overacting" constantly. Those who have meltdowns due to emotional overload. Those who cannot regulate their emotions, even if their life depended on it. Those who cannot control their reaction to things that upset them – even if they are deemed "illogical" by others. The "overly emotional" Autistics."-The Autistic Life

Absorb emotions was only half of the reason, I was always called the overly emotional as child. The amount of empathy, I did not have the emotional intelligence to explain that I felt a certain way in situation. Most of times, those emotions came out in meltdown especially in situation where I felt I could communicate to other person how I was feeling. Almost always an emotional overload leads to meltdown, occasionally they come out of nowhere when I have to much going on in my head and I do not know to express to other people in way without them calling me dramatic, overacting, or overly emotional. As female on the spectrum, that time of the month can lead to meltdown from emotional overload. Usually as someone on the spectrum, you learn your signs for meltdown and stop yourself before you actual get to that point in any situations. 

Always be aware that many autistic are more aware of emotional state of people around us. And just because they are not express emotions does not mean that they are not aware of your emotions, it might be we are not quite sure how to communicate that we care in way that makes sense to someone else. That autistic actually more sensitive than most people are aware and they worry about hurting by doing something wrong in a way that you will not understand. That make them special because it is the rare people, who get see that side of Autistic.  

"I think I want to stop fighting how sensitively I am made. Just because the rest of the world tells me it is wrong or "too much" does not mean that it is or that I should be asked to change. What if this is what I am here to bring to the world? My heightened sensitivity which gives me a unique and brilliant way of looking at things, creating, experiencing life and taking care of others."-Cynthia Zuber