Love Me Like I Do

20.

Sometimes, I ask myself. Naging tama kaya ako sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay ko? Minsan ba naging karapat dapat ako sa mga bagay na natatanggap ko?

Baka kasi mali ako, baka kasi hindi ito para sa akin. Because reaching things you need must mean you being happy which is contrary to what I feel.

Masyado na siguro akong swapang at ungrateful. But that's how I feel.

"Miss Blythe, Mr. De Travis is here to see you."

Hindi naman siguro masamang maghangad pa ng iba hindi ba? Makokontento naman ako pag  kompleto na ang buong pagkatao ko. Pero ano nga ba ang kokompleto sa akin? My family is complete again and we're happy.

"Miss Blythe?"

I was taken aback when my secretary called me.

"Yes?" I was facing the glass wall facing the city so I turned to  face her.

"Mr. De Travis is here to see you. Should I let him in? Wala kasi siyang appointment ngayon."

Why is everyone asking me if they should let him in wherever I am? Is this a sign of the universe asking me to let him in again in my life? Sige, assume ulit tayo.

"Do I have meetings in the next hours?"

"None so far, Miss." I nodded after I took a deep breath. Eto na. Eto na talaga.

"Let him in."

My heart beats so fast as soon as she opens the door for him.

It  even fastened its pace when I saw his shoes entering the room. Napaupo ako dahil medyo nanginginig na ang tuhod ko. I can do this. I got this.

I am already sitting properly when he properly entered the room. We made eye-to-eye contact that lasted in a minute. Sheila, my secretary, doesn't know what to do so she left us and closed the door.

Ako ang unang bumasag sa katahimikan gamit ang pagtikhim.

"Take your sit. I-I wasn't expecting you here. Hindi ka nagpaabiso." I tried hard to stay calm and not stutter.

He walked closer to my table but stopped when he's just a feet away from it. He stayed there looking at me, not saying a word. Just staring, like he's memorizing every feature of my face.

Tumikhim ako ulit dahil kinakabahan ako sa ginagawa niya-- na wala naman talaga.

"Y-you can take a sit."

"You're thinner from the photos they gave me. They said you're healthy. Doesn't seem to me."

Napaawang ang mga labi ko sa mga sinabi niya. What is this? He is here to tell me that? That's absurd.

"I'm sorry but thank you for your concern but-"

"You didn't even sleep well last night. I can see it in your face."

Again, my mouth is left open. Ano ba itong mga pinagsasabi niya. I didn't expect it to be like this. Our conversation is way too far from what I imagined. He's- what? Checking my body and facial features? Then it dawned to me. May nagsesend sa kanya ng mga pictures ko? Sino?

"You're checking on me?" Yumuko siya bago tumango. I saw him lick his lips before facing me again.

"I always have my eyes on you. I make sure that you're fine and whatever you're doing, you'll not get in danger." I sighed. I know that now. Of course. Dahil sa lahat ng lumabas ng resulta ng imbestigasyon, laging may nakabuntot sa akin na mga special agent as specified by Detective Tuazon.

"So you're a stalker." I concluded.

"To make you safe, yes." He said looking at my eyes. Bigla akong nailang kaya ibinaling ko na lang sa mga papel na nasa harapan ko ang atensyon ko.

Silence ate the room. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin, at the same time, hinihintay ko siyang magsalita ulit. I glanced  at him at parang nakikiramdam na lang din siya. Awkward.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" Tinitigan ko ang noo niya. This is a way to appear to have an eye contact without actually having eye contact. He sighed heavily.

"Can we have lunch tomorrow? I'll pick you up by 11am." Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Is this a date? Is he asking me for a date?

"Azi," he was taken aback at the mention of his name. Matagal tagal rin nang tawagin ko siya sa ganyang pangalan. "I don't know if we should act as if nothing happened. If this is your way of rekindling everything that had happened, I don't know if it's a good idea."

Silence ate the room. Walang nagsalita nang ilang minuto until he chose to break the silence.

"I came here to properly compensate with what my mother has done to your family. Alam kong walang kapatawaran ang ginawa niya sa inyo, sa'yo."

"What are you? A blood money?" Medyo histerikal kong sabi. I can't believe he thought that way. I can't date him with this on his mind.

"No. That's definitely not it. I don't know if you heard that I accepted the position my father wanted me to handle since I got in college. Alam ko nasabi ko sa'yo ito dati. Ayokong tanggapin iyon but it was the only way to stop my mom from putting you at risk. Sinabi ko kay papa na tatanggapin ko ang kompanya niya."

"So how is this lunch a compensation of everything your mom has destroyed?" Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano'ng pinupunto niya o masyado ba akong slow para hindi ko malaman kung ano'ng ibig niyang sabihin?

"First, ibinalik na sa kompanya niyo ang lahat ng kinuha ni mama. Walang labis, walang kulang. Papa traced everything and made sure that everything is duly compensated. Second, mom is banned from entering the Philippines so wala ka nang dapat ipag alala tungkol sa kanya. And lastly, this is my way of saying sorry and good bye to you." Good bye? Napatigil ako sa lahat ng kabalbalan na iniisip ko. Ano'ng ibig niyang sabihin?

"I'll be leaving the country tomorrow evening. Being the CEO of DT Inc. is not just sitting in the office and doing managerial controls. I am bound to marry the Countess of London." Parang dinudurog nang paunti-unti ang puso ko sa naririnig ko. I thought it's just taking the position. But what is this? Is Henry De Travis a royalty? Bakit hindi ko alam?

"So if you ask me if the lunch would be a way of bringing back what we have left, I hate to disagree. The agreement is done. And we can't afford to break it because we will be the losing party if it would happen."

Hindi ako makapagsalita. I thought we have hope. Umasa ako, aminin ko man o sa hindi. I really thought we'll still end up together. But this happened and it is crystal clear that it is impossible.

My heart ached. Parang hindi ako makahinga. I can't think properly. Tama ba 'to? For once, I thought of choosing my own happiness. Ngayon ko lang gustong piliin ang sarili ko pero bakit sobrang unfair ng tadhana? Bakit ang sakit pa rin kahit pinipili ko na ang sarili ko?

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal namayapa ang katahimikan sa aming dalawa. Basta namalayan ko na lang na tumayo siya at akmang aalis.

"Masaya ka ba? Ito ba talaga ang gusto mo?" Huminto siya. I  have  to ask him. I have to know what's on his mind. Kasi mababaliw ako. Mababaliw ako sa sakit at pagtatanong sa sarili ko kung kinailangan niya lang bang gawin iyon o ayaw niya lang talaga na maibalik ang dati.

"Yes." He firmly said while facing his back to me.

Tears fell from my eyes. That's not the answer that I want. I want him to say 'no'. I want him to say that he's just doing this for me. I want him to tell me that he will find a way to sneak out of that arrangement.

This hurt like hell. Wala iyong mga dinanas kong sakit noong mga nakaraang taon. Parang tinalikuran ako ng buong mundo. Parang winasak ang buo kong pagkatao.

"Then, give me a favor. Don't pick me up here. There will be no parting lunch. If you want to leave, just leave. And never show your face again infront of me. And if odds will be against me and we'll see each other in the future, don't act as if you knew me. Because from now on, you will be  nothing but stranger to me." I said between my sobs. Wala na akong pakealam kung marinig niya. Gusto kong malaman niyang nasasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. Nasasaktan ako sa mga ginagawa niya.

"As you wish." And he left.