Love Me Like I Do

16.

"I can't do this anymore, Lauren. Goodbye."

A text from Azrieel that made my whole year shatter.

After the dinner, hindi na kami masyadong nagkakausap dahil naging busy na ulit kami sa kanya kanyang buhay.

I didn't expect this dahil sobrang okay naman namin eh. I tried calling him but to no avail. Pinuntahan ko sya sa bahay nya pero wala ng tao. Ang sabi ay ibinenta na raw ang bahay na iyon.

Everything shocked me. Hindi ko siya mahagilap sa Los Angeles pati sa karatig states. What's wrong? Baka napano na iyon.

Months passed pero hindi pa rinsiya nagpapakita o nahahagilap. I even hired people pero walang nangyari. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan siya.

It was the big break of the company at nakikipaglaban ako sa bidding sa isang International Summit na gaganapin sa Los Angeles. We won the bidding and it opened great opportunities for the company. Partnership contracts were signed and I have no time to waste for tears and self-reflection.

Our company was announced as number 1 hotel chains in LA. The dirt dad left was now concealed by the success we achieved for the past years.

"Congratulations, Lauren. Job well done. I never thought you will grow up like this. Not that I never thought you won't be successful but you surpassed our expectations. You're an incredible young lady." Papuri ni Mrs. Smythe, isang senator.

The annual business gathering is held in our hotel again. The ZK Hotels and Restaurants ay umusbong pagkalipas ng ilang taon mula sa pagkakalugmok. Everyone wasn't expecting the company to easily cope up.

I was truly happy for the success of the company but not for my life. Eversince na namayagpag ang kompanya, nakakaligtaan ko nang bigyang pansin ang mga maliliit na bagay sa buhay ko.

I didn't hang out with friends as much  as I do  when I was not the CEO and President  of the company. Ni hindi ko namalayan na unti-unti na palang lumayo yung loob ni Azrieel sa akin.

"Hey, Lauren. Nice to see you again. I don't see you often. You totally ban yourself in the social world." Nagbeso beso kami sa mga friends ko when I'm in high school.

"More like I found another social world. I mean, you know, business and stuffs."

"Yeah we heard and you totally rock, darling. Congratulations!"

Marami pang papuri akong natanggap sa gabing iyon. As I was staring at the crowd so happy of the service our hotel gives them, mapait akong napangiti sa sarili.

I have given these people what they want kaya nga nasa tuktok kami ngayon, pero ano bang naibigay ko sa sarili ko? Stress, pimples and.. loneliness.

Azrieel used to comfort me but it's been a year since he left without prior notice. He's the reason why I have the courage to achieve everything.

And now he's gone. I feel so alone.

"I know that look." Napatingin ako sa nagsalita. It's Chloe.

"Hey, how are you?" I said all smiles.

"Oh Lauren. I've known you since high school. That smile won't work on me." Napabuntong hininga ako.

"All these could be meaningful with him. Not that it ain't meaningful at all. It could be more meaningful... with him."

"I have news about him, though, that's if you want to hear it." I looked at her with disbelief. I know I told them not to mention his name after I found no lead of his whereabouts but hell, I'm dying to know where he is.

"We've talked."

"And you've talked!?" Gulantang kong sabi sa kanya.

"Yes. And since I thought you wouldn't want to see him after everything so I didn't tell you." Napapikit ako.

The excitement and irritation, I cannot contain. Hindi na ako nagpakita ng ibang emosyon. I have to digest everything now.

Chloe's seeing or have seen Azrieel. But why didn't he come to see me? Ayaw nya na rin ba akong makita?

"Chlo, what do you think was wrong with me? I mean, did I overlook on some things?"

"Well, eversince you became busy with.. your company, which I understand is very vital, you tend to isolate yourself."

"But I always include him on everything I am in. I thought I had him as my cheerleader."

"I got news for you, Lauren. Cheerleaders don't stay long. They quit when they get tired. That goes same with Azrieel."

After counseling with Chloe, I realized that maybe she's right. Maybe I left things out unconsciously. And maybe Azrieel went off because of that.

Chloe promised me to send the details about Azi's whereabouts. It's then I found out that he's been staying in the Philippines for almost a year now. He's been traveling since he left then decided to settle in the Philippines.

Ayaw ko siyang sundan sana dahil marami akong maiiwan dito. But I know my mom can handle the company now. She's fine, I can really tell.

Bumalik ako ng Pilipinas with only Chloe, KC and Andrew who knew my real plan.

Sinabi ko kay mama na gusto kong magfocus sa Brintesia University. At first, she was suspicious but then when I presented her BU's figures, um-oo siya. I planned this thoroughly. Ayokong isipin ni mama na nababaliw na rin ako dahil sa isang lalaki. Ayokong mag-alala siya sa nararamdaman ko.

The moment I stepped on NAIA, I immediately went to KC para mapag usapan namin ang mga bagay bagay. I  prepared all the papers needed sa pagpapanggap ni KC. Of course, hindi ko siya isasabit dito.

KC is a fan of romance kaya pumayag siya sa mga plano ko.

Kaso...

As I stared at the reflection of the person in the mirror, I realized hindi ako ang may kasalanan.

After I heard the truth from my own mother, the truth behind my father's betrayal, I can't help but to regret all the efforts I made.

My mom told me when she found out of my doings.

"Naaalala mo ba yung sinabi ko sayo nun? Si Amalia ang babae  ng papa mo noon. Si Yuan ay kinailangang ipagamot noon kaya hindi na muna ako nagsalita. Ayokong magsisi sa huli at pagbintangan ang sarili ko kung may problema man sa operasyon ng bata. Inisip ko na lang na paano kung ikaw iyon? Hihingin ko rin ang ginawa ni Amalia. But the love of your father for her was revived. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa awa o dahil hindi niya lang talaga ako minahal ng sapat para ganoon na lang kadali sa kanya ang bitiwan ang marriage namin. I know your father loved me, but not as much as he loves Amalia. Kasalanan ko rin naman eh. Tama ang lola mo. Pero dahil hindi ko rin mababago ang lahat pati ang desisyon ng papa mo, tinanggap ko na lang ang lahat. Masakit man pero kailangang tanggapin ko lalo na no'ng nakita kitang nahihirapan sa pagpapatakbo ng kompanya. Ambata mo pa para sa ganoong responsibilidad."

I can't imagine the pain my mom suffered those days. Hindi ko na nakayanang pigilan ang mga luha ko lalo na't naaalala ko kung gaanong nasaktan si mama ng mga panahon na iyon.

"You needed the time ma, I needed the distraction. It helped the both of us. I'm sorry I didn't know how much it pained you. I'm sorry ma." All I can hear in the room were our cries and sobs.

The more I hated my father and I didn't know what to feel towards tita Amalia and... Azrieel.