Oi Homeschooled - Fred Weasley x reader

*- 50 - I do, and he does too

I'm not sure how much time has passed since the incident that I now call "the worst day of my life". I thought losing my mother was that day, or even Cedric, but it wasn't. Those two days were things I could come to terms with. Things that weren't my fault and that were meant to happen, but this one, this one wasn't. This one was partially my fault. 

If I hadn't done what I had done, I could have walked out of there with my head held high and my dignity intact. I could let Fred suffer for what he had done. 

But now, I didn't feel like coming out of my room at all. 

I had not cheated on Fred. I had broken up with him, but to kiss another bloke right after, one I had absolutely no feelings for, that was not okay. Other people probably didn't mind much, some might even admire me for it, calling it a power move, but I didn't think that way. It was petty, it was manipulative towards Roger and it was downright stupid. I felt embarrassed.

But it did confirm one thought: Fred and I weren't meant to be.

After all that we had gone through, that seemed like a very likely option. The fight at the Yule Ball, the fight because of the Sedation Sweets, the fight because of jealousy of Roger and Aisley and now this. It seemed as if fighting was all we did. It was suppressing all of the wonderful memories I had with him. Maybe it was the universe telling us that we should just give up.

I loved him, I loved him more than anything in the world, but this was toxic. We were toxic, together. 

Aisley sure had picked out the right timing. So much had disappeared in front of my eyes a few days ago. My relationship with Fred, my invitation to stay with the Weasleys over the holidays, my dignity and most importantly, my future. The future that Fred had described to me beautifully that day at the Burrow.

In a couple of years, when Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes is booming, I will ask you to marry me and you will say yes, of course. Then we'll get married and a year later, we would have our first kid. We would move into a nice house, but not too big, something cozy, but with a huge garden. We would get a second and a third kid. They would grow up with George's kids if he ever plans on getting a girlfriend. Or maybe Ron's or Ginny's even. They will learn how to play Quidditch from the moment they can walk. When they're eleven, they get their Hogwarts letter and we'll bring them to Platform nine and three quarters. We would grow old together, travel together, joke together and at the end of my life, I will still love you as much as I do today.

I didn't know if I would ever meet someone that could give me that, someone that could make me as happy as I felt that day. Because there were so many bad moments, so many fights, but god, no one made me as happy as Fred. Maybe I'd never feel like that anymore, like that one day at the Burrow.

Could I still be friends with him, one day? One day when we had talked all of this out? I felt like the cut was too deep to anymore. The friendship was bleeding out, ready to shrivel and die.

Maybe it could have been helped if I had just walked away, maybe. But by kissing Roger, I had done some irreversible damage. He had made the wound, but I made it unable to heal.

And for what? To hurt him because I was hurt? Because I was petty? My future was filled with happiness and love, and now it was empty. Where would I go once I graduated from Hogwarts? I had no place to go. I had no one to go to. 

I rubbed my face, looking out of the window in my dorm. I had to stop these stupid thoughts. Why was I putting so much blame onto myself. If Fred had just told me about the kiss, none of this would have happened. None of this would have been as toxic as it was now. 

It was not my fault and I had to stop being so bloody pathetic.

That was a good description of what I was: pathetic. I depended completely on Fred. My happiness, my future, my place to stay, my metal health and most of the decisions I made depended on him completely.