Borrowed • Jesse Lingard

fourteen.

Seeing my phone ring I look at the caller ID, Jesse for the fourth time this morning. After trying my best to avoid everyone after last night I realise it isn't going to happen.

"Hello?" I say it sounding more like a question but in all honesty I don't know what to say.

"I know you probably don't want to see me but I'm outside" he says and I get a feeling of dread "I know you're home as well. Don't avoid me Montana"

"I suppose you better come in" I say. My plan to avoid everyone has obviously failed. I don't even know what to say to him.

"Hey" Jesse says as he finds me in the living room. I've never felt so awkward around Jesse in the whole time I've known him.

"Hi" I try to bring a smile to my face seeing Jesse but I feel sick.

"What's up? You don't look too good"

"Is this you saying I look like shit?" I ask as serious as possible "I'm joking. I'm fine though don't worry about me it's nothing"

"That tells me there's something on your mind, Montana Grace" I feel Jesse pull me into him as he joins me on the sofa, looking at his face and the concern written all over it I realise I need to tell him what's going on.

"Where's Anoushka?" I ask not wanting the little girl to hear what I have to say.

"She's with my mum. Stop stalling"

"What about everyone else?" I ask wondering where everyone is.

"I came on my own. I thought we needed to talk after last night. Something in the way you were acting wasn't you. What's going on you can tell me?"

"I was out of order last night but I've got a lot going on it's not an excuse though"

"Tell me. Help me understand what's going on in your head. You know you've got me Montana" realising I can trust Jesse I take a deep breath.

"Okay I'll tell you everything that's going on. If I tell you this you have to promise me you'll never tell Chris. I mean he can't know a single thing about it okay?" I say to Jesse knowing my brother can never know about anything I'm about to say. Moving away from Jesse I turn so I'm sat facing him.

"I want to say I promise Montana but you've got me really concerned now" Jesse says and I can understand why he'd think like that.

"I know you just need to remember that it's in the past and I've moved on. You'll literally be the first person to know about this so if Chris ever finds out anything I'll never speak to you again because I'll know he's heard it from you"

"Okay I'll not mention anything to anyone" Jesse agrees and I can tell it's reluctant.

"Thank you" I take a deep breath shaking "this is harder than I thought it would be"

"Take your time. I'm here to listen as long as you need me to"

"When I was in Australia, I was raped by my boyfriend actually I should say my ex-boyfriend because I ended it straight away. I didn't tell anyone but I did report it. I kept telling him no and that I didn't want it, his words were 'we'll be quick' and he went ahead. I went physically numb it was like my whole body shut down and I couldn't move, I literally lay there and let him do whatever he wanted until he'd had enough. Afterwards I was a mess but I knew I couldn't let him get away with it. As soon as he left I went to the police station and told them what he did. I gave a statement and they took me to hospital to do a forensic medical examination. My thighs were black and blue off him and I was bleeding. It mortified me going through the medical examination, my body was a crime scene but they had enough evidence to arrest him. Eventually it went to court, I say eventually but it was pretty quick because it was a sexual assault, I had to give evidence and I was cross examined but they did find him guilty. He was sentenced to 8 years in prison and as soon as I knew he was behind bars I had to get out of Australia. Yesterday I got a phone call from my lawyer and he's trying to appeal his conviction" I wipe my eyes feeling the tears start to betray me after keeping them in for so long. Within seconds I feel Jesse pull me into his chest relaxing at the familiarity of being in his arms.