WITHERING ROSES

Truly gone

One year passed and I never got enough sleep. Every day I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about her, whether it was a dream or a nightmare, I rarely felt like telling I had a dream. I realized I hadn't shaved or trimmed since she left me. People started noticing my beard and complemented me. I didn't care but Ankita taught me manners so I thanked them.

Days went by and I was 0% self conscious. I went to the park everyday carrying my own bottle of water, not for me but for the bed of roses. The withering roses got better day by day, they were improving... I wasn't. sometimes they would already be watered. Did the park keeper pay attention after all these days suddenly? I didn't know. One day Catherine called me again.

"hello?"
"oh hi Catherine." I said
"how'd you know it was me!?"
"uhh I saved your number from the last time you called."
"oh.. yeah. Stupid me."
"hows Ankita?"
"oh. About that. She was talking to me, but then she stopped picking my calls..."
"oh......ok... so she's not in new york...?"
"no. if she was I'd be talking to her and told you how she was."
"ok."
"how're you?"
"I...I'm okay."
"good to hear"
"soo...... that's why you called?"
"umm no...I'm coming to Chennai!"
"oh cool"
"I'll be staying there for 12 days and I was thinking of calling Ankita for some company but she wont answer my calls... so I was wondering if you could give me her address?"
"I don't know where she lives and she doesn't know where I live. We just meet at a park and she's blocked my number......sorry."
"oh- its..its ok, I guess I gotta spend my time on my own hehe *sighs*"
"*thinks for a minute* when are you coming?"
"June 3 to June 15 why?"
"you'd really feel bored?"
"totally! Why?"
"I could give you some company... if you want.
"really? You'd do that!?"
"yeah. We could meet in the evening."
"OMG thanks! You're just like her!!!"
"well she made me who I am."
"I can see why she fell for you!!"
"can you see why she left me?"
"no! omg I'm sorry for bringing this up!"
"no,no its fine...its fine. Just call me if you wanna talk yeah?"
"sure. And kalyan!"
"yes?"
"you're a really nice person. I can't see why she left you, sorry."
"*laughs* thanks Catherine. Just call me whenever!"
"sure, thanks. Bye!!!"
I don't know what happened. I asked myself that. I started missing her. A LOT and me being a health conscious person, I could tell that something was definitely wrong with me. As much as I knew that she was the one that left me, as much as I knew that she was the one that chose Shailesh over me and that was reality......... I still blamed myself, my mind told me I shouldn't have let her go. I should've waited that day.. maybe for her to atleast say something, or a reply. I should've reminded her or told her about how much fun we had. I should've been better. I should've shown her more love than I already did. I didn't know why I did it...I just did. For what she did I blamed myself I told myself that I was nothing, I killed myself inside. Mentally destroying myself, bullying myself. I felt like killing myself in the most painful way possible, maybe as punishment. For what? For her leaving me...yeah this boy took every piece of the blame for something he never did, for something he had no idea that it was going to happen. Ankita taught me respect. "respect people who deserve to be respected" is what she told me a million times. Was that what made me leave her? Respect her choices? Guess I'll never know.