WITHERING ROSES

Vertigo

Catherine was calling me every day. She would explain her problems(I was surprised she had problems) to me and often break down, I'd do my best to console her. People think they're the only ones in the whole wide world with heart wrenching problems until they talk to others and yeah I'm referring to myself as an example.

"I'm-I'm sorry for disturbing you Kalyan*sobs* whoever I call and try to explain my problems to-they-they just shut me out*sobs* even my own parents do that...... but you*sobs* you're different, you always talk to me no matter what. You're great dude!! *more hysterical sobs*"

Catherine said one day. That was proof that I was better than before, it was proof that Ankita made me a better person and that made me question her love again putting me in deep thoughts......again. While thinking of all this I would tell myself she's gone. She's not coming back...control yourself but only in vain. I just couldn't. I was a loner, it hurt but I was used to the pain... but the pain of losing and missing Ankita was like nothing I ever felt before, it left me hollow, it broke me. It was different, it felt more painful than any injury I had sustained before. I couldn't take it anymore. I told myself I had to see her or talk to her atleast once, I had to be clear why she left me. That thought alone was killing me inside... I was my own bully, no external factor hurt me. Everything was internal,mental and it was me. I blamed myself even when I knew that she was the one who left me. I don't know why, it just hurt. It felt cruel and unfair to leave without reason.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
     Turns out Catherine broke up and she was single just like I said. She called me on June  2nd.
"Kalyan? Are you free?" I was studying.
"uh-um...one minute..."
"sure."
"sorry that was 3 seconds. Yeah I'm free!"
"*sad laugh* you always do that!!"
"do I?- wait are you ok?"
"what makes you think I'm not ?"
"your voice! Catherine whatever it is tell me."
"*crying*"
"heyy, heyy, heyy calm down...what happened?"
"*sniff* I broke up *sobs*"
"oh god, okay look just......*sighs*(didn't know what to say)what happened?"
"he said he found someone better than me *crying* that fucking fake shit, he didn't really love me. He just used me and threw me away *sobs* like I'm fucking trash!!! *bawls*"
"look...oh god-look stop crying, come on.........STOP IT!!"
"I CANT I FUCKING CANT!"*more crying*
".................."
"*more crying*"
"Catherine-he.........I-ok look. To me, you are a great friend. A girl with a really nice character and heart. He-he left you and it might as well be the worst mistake of his life because you...you're something else Catherine you're just so, so......uh..."
".........?"
"you are just so amazing, to be honest. You've handled so much shit in your life  and you're still surviving what you're going through... if I was in your place being invisible to my own parents, I don't know if I'd even be alive. But you, look at you. You don't deserve someone who doesn't know how cool you are. He's let go of a really nice girl and I'm sure that someday...he's going to regret it. Look, please don't cry... none of this was your fault *voice falters*......... just. Keep calm, I know you can't but, do your best. Look on the bright side. There are more than *quietly*1..2..3..no. no...7..8? I guess. Whatever.*normal* yeah so there are more than 8 billion people in this world. You-you just gotta look for the right one...people make mistakes all the time. Maybe he was a mistake you made but not all of the guys are like him aight?"
"........................"
"uuhhhhhmmm... Catherine?"
"*sniff* that-wow *laughs* thanks Kalyan, that means a lot to me-really! I just wish I could say the same to you*sniffs*"
"for what?... oh wait-oh.. yeah I get it."
"thanks for being there for me Kalyan!!"
"anytime."
"I still don't *sniff* don't understand why she left you and went with Sailesh!!!"
"it's ok, it was her choice. She w-"
"hold up, hold up, hold up. YOU THINK SHE FELL FOR HIM!!!!!!!?????"
"wha.........didn't she?"
"Kalyan no!!!! Sailesh is the definition of a playboy!! He wanted to fuck Ankita for so long...when she was back in new york after more than a year he finally had his chance and used it. He's very good at persuasion......*voice falters* better than me. But the point is she never fell for him like she literally did for you! She was brainwashed, she was a little childish back then!!"
"Catherine*voiceshakes*..............."
"you ok *visible concern*.........?"
"I wish I knew you before all this happened......"
"oh Kalyan...... I'm so sorry............"
"it's ok, I'll tell you an address. It's a park...be there at 5 tomorrow evening."

I couldn't believe what she said. I cried after a long time. The mistake wasn't really hers. I remembered she was childish, at times some problem in her house would escalate and she'd come crying like a baby and hug me telling she was scared, she would be very happy for small things like when I said I got selected for a swimming competition because I was the only one who came to class regularly,(though I was wasting class staring at Ankita) she'd start jumping and start shouting yay in a really crazy way and then she'd shower me with kisses. She was a kid at heart. That made Sailesh brainwash her. Easily... thinking of all this made me cry. The memory of the day of our breakup played in my mind... in the end her face had an expression of guilt. She realized that what she was doing was wrong. She was still my Ankita. I was now determined to make things right. To atleast see her and win her back no matter what happens...Catherine could help me. I gave her the address to the park and asked her to be there at 4:30 pm after which I cut the call.
I had to see Ankita.