WITHERING ROSES

Its still a smile

5:45 AM
The lonely green tree in front of the back entrance overlooking the whole park. Below the tree was a bench...where me and Ankita used to sit. I half expected that this was just a dream and that the possibility, good or bad wouldn't affect me. Part of me reminded me that this was real...I still liked it but I just didn't know what to say if she was there. I went hoping that whatever happens, happens with a positive outcome.

We walked up to the tree, me and Catherine. Every step felt like the ground was pulling me back, asking me to go home before I got my heart broken. But I didn't, I wanted to see her. It was a longing...what I felt, a longing to have someone who cares for you, to hope that the same someone comes back to you...

We went closer until we were just 2 feet behind the tree. I could feel my heartbeat. I was scared. I felt the same way I felt when I first spoke to her. When she first asked me if she could sit next to me. Catherine placed her hand on my shoulder and nodded assuringly. Just one more step.

I looked at the bench. The dark green metal bench, empty as my pessimist side had expected. All the times me and Ankita had fun sitting on that single chair, replayed in my mind, the good and happy memories that seemed like another life time. I touched the trunk. Felt it and wondered if it was hollow but still alive...like me. Catherine walked up to me and patted me on the back. I stood there for a minute until she spoke gently.

"Kalyan?"
".................."
"I know you're disappointed..."
"hmmm........."
"sometimes not everything goes as we expect it to."
".................."
"let's go..."
"I wanna see the sun rise........."
"yeah, yeah sure."

So I sat there as I always did when I sat alone. Hunched with a fake plastered smile or a blank expression. I guess when you're in pain it's easier to just stay quiet or smile rather than explaining and recollecting why you're hurt. Catherine was standing quietly, I was glad she understood and didn't sit down next to me. It was Ankitas place and I needed some space...

5:50 AM
I was still there, still sitting, watching the sky, the birds flying, people minding their own business, I wanted the sun to rise soon. I didn't know why but I wanted it to rise soon so I could leave. I didn't know why... I just wanted to leave, I guess my first bad memory in the park was her not being there when I wanted her to be there so desperately. Time was slow, every second felt like a minute, every minute felt like an hour......

"she's not here? Why are we still here?"
"y-you wanted to see the sunrise Kalyan..."
"right... let's go, it's taking too long."
"but........."
"but what?"
"nothing, let's leave. I'm hungry."
"oh, yeah let's eat something. You've come to Chennai after all*smiles*"
"I know that's a fake smile Kalyan..."
"it's still a smile.. let's go."