WITHERING ROSES

Scared?

You know when people don't tell you anything. When they feel lonely or bad or down and they don't know what to do, the feeling of loneliness even though they are surrounded by many people is the only thing going on in their minds, occupying it and then growing slowly in their hearts, hurting their feelings. It makes them feel that they don't have anyone, it makes them feel odd or dissatisfied with themselves. It scares them...but what's the point brooding over it? Maybe they have someone they can trust. It need not be just a councilor or a psychiatrist. It could be anyone. A friend, a relative, a teacher, an old man or the best, an understanding mother. What's the point in keeping everything to yourself and not letting anyone help you? Yeah some secrets kill you mentally but, what if they weren't secrets anymore. What if you just vented everything to someone. They're not gonna kill you(unless you do something really bad). People feel better after explaining their problems to someone. Point is people expect to be spoken to...they don't express themselves and then say 'i feel lonely! I HAVE NO ONE!' it pisses me off. Totally.
       I looked at Ankita and held her shoulder

"but Ankita...what are you scared of??"
"please don't ask that Kalyan! Please!..." she continued crying
"hey, look. Ii want to-look at me Ankita*makes her look at me*. Look at me, stop crying. Some secrets can kill a person Ankita, it's better when said to someone."

  I cupped her face in my hands. She was crying so much.

"but Kalyan*sobs* not this. Please! It scares me a lot to......*sobssobs*"
"to what? Ankita?"
"..............."
"Ankita just be honest, what're you scared of?"

             She cried more now but reduced her noise. She placed her hand on the back of my neck. I could feel her fingers trembling, shaking with tears she pulled my head close and whispered in my ears.
"I'm scared that you'll leave me if I tell you Kalyan........."
                What could be so bad that it made her think that I'd leave her? I didn't want to leave her, I couldn't imagine leaving her again. I looked at Catherine, she was quiet and gave a surprised expression. Catherine too had no idea what happened to Ankita. Ankita looked miserable, she was still crying. I didn't know what to do or say. I had to make her feel better. I thought about preparing a mental speech saying that I won't leave her in the most creative way possible but all that came out of my blessed mouth was
"Ankita whatever happens or happened... I won't leave you."
         Maybe Ankita lost a bit of trust over the past year, it happens right? Friends feel like strangers when they meet after a long time. I slowly placed my hand on the back of her neck and placed my forehead against hers. She looked at me with teary eyes.

"Ankita, I understand if you don't want to tell me. We're seeing each other after a year, I might seem a bit like a stranger. But that's ok, you just tell me whenever you feel like telling me, whenever your trust in me has reached maximum because I know that deep down... I'll never leave you, no matter what happens. Nothing, can make me leave you. So just tell me when your mind says 'this is my Kalyan. I trust him'. I know I'm being dramatic but...you-you get it right?" I said and kissed her forehead.