WITHERING ROSES

The odd one out

4:09 AM
The park was quiet. We were walking for more than half an hour so we decided to take a rest and sit for a while. We sat on one of the many benches in the park, I ignored my usual place under a tree where me and Ankita used to sit. There weren't many people in the park unlike evenings. The only people were 10-15 men and women, all of them decades older than me. I was lost in my thoughts about seeing Ankita again, whether she'll come, when she'll come, will she still accept me? What do I tell her? All that was going on in my head I forgot about Catherine sitting next to me.

I turned to see her, she was blank. Her face was expressionless or maybe bored or just... I don't know. Then her eyes started to well up with tears and she started crying. I was like whaaaaaa? I didn't know why she was crying. Did she start crying because I didn't talk to her? Is she crying because she misses Ankita too? The voice in my head said 'oh for gods sake ask her why shes crying' so I did.

"hey... hey what happened?"
"*still crying*"
"look Catherine if you keep crying like this without telling me the reason why you're crying I'm gonna look really stupid aand it pisses me off when someone's crying without telling me the reason, especially when that someone happens to be a close friend of mine."(I shouldn't have said that)

She looked at me as she was crying. She really looked like she was going through a lot of pain.
"sorry." She said.
Then she continued looking at me, tears falling at a faster rate but she pursed her lips, closing them tighter by the minute so that she couldn't cry, but the tears never stopped.
She looked so sad and broken. Her expression made me feel guilty. I didn't know what to do so I hugged her.
"sorry... calm down Catherine, calm down." I said.
She calmed down slowly, I was still hugging her. I slowly took my arms from her and put my arm around her shoulder and told her

"I'm here for you Catherine, just tell me what happened, trust me talking about it will make you feel better."
She stopped crying.
"thanks Kalyan... for-for being there for me. I'm sorry I cried so bad without telling. I can be a bitch sometimes*sniffs*. It's just that I loved him too much without knowing that his love for me was fake. He just used me and dumped me......... like I was some object. I loved him even though I knew he was a player. I should've realized looks don't matter........."

Clearly 'him' meant the guy she broke up with. She sat quietly.

"I'm sorry... at least you don't have to deal with him anymore......"
"it's ok. I guess sometimes you need to experience the bad shit to know that it's bad shit."

Wow. People get really philosophical when they're sad. I don't know why but I guess all humans are born with that defect. When your brain goes blank and you just don't know what you're doing or you just don't care what you do to yourself because you know what the word 'hurt' means only when you experience it like a ticking time bomb that you knew you had to go through but it went boom in the worst times. It hurts. At that time physical pain, happiness, sadness, anger. All begin to be specks of dust in some place on earth.

4:30 AM
We sat quietly. She looked sadder every minute, I felt bad. The silence that is created in times of sadness. It's really maddening. Some people wonder why they are the ones that are hurt, why no one comes forward to help them. For a while you begin to think you're the only person in the world that feels like this. Your mind seems to be in a state of confusion not knowing what to do or why whatever happened happened. You want all of it to end but...... it just doesn't. you realize that, the lesser you try to think about it, the more it affects you, spreading inside your mind like a plague. You feel like you want someone to talk to but you're scared for no reason, you wanna talk to someone but something tells you not to, something tells you they're not gonna understand because you're the one with a broken heart, that you mean nothing, that no one's gonna care, no one's gonna give a damn about how you feel. You want the world to stop and time to rewind but it doesn't, you know you're expecting a fantasy, something that'll never happen. You feel like you're nothing. You feel useless. You wanna end your life but the same something tells you that there is more in this life that we haven't seen yet. You wanna end yourself but you also wanna give life another chance, so you talk to someone and feel surprised when they say 'we've all been there.' It makes you aware that you live in a fucked up sick world filled with freakshows and psychopaths all controlled by a fucking piece of paper. But then you meet that special someone who...... makes you feel like the world is a different place, someone that provides you peace in the middle of a battlefield filled with detonating explosives, someone who makes you forget all the horrible uncomfortable truths. And suddenly at some point of time they leave, but not entirely...right?

I had the urge to cheer up Catherine but I just didn't know how. So I told her about me and Ankita, how we met, all the crazy things we did, the fun we had. I left the break up part. I explained every single thing with my best descriptive attitude, describing and explaining came easily for me, I was a bookworm. I put in a few jokes. Because I don't know why but, I wanted to make her smile.
In the end she was laughing and telling me how cute what we did was. I was glad she didn't cry anyway.