Living With The Pain

Two Faced

  I walked to the courtyard to see Travis about to sit down on a bench. I ran over to him and pushed him on the ground. "Hey!" Travis looked up at me. "It doesn't feel nice does it, Travis? Having someone bully you just for being the slightest bit different!" I yelled. Travis stood up,"Do you want to go, freak?"

  I just rolled my eyes as I watched Travis roll up his sleeves. "No. I don't want to go. I just want to know why you do this," I said. "I do it because I want to, freak," he replied and took a step closer to me. I looked up at him,"Punch me. I dare you. It's not gonna make you feel better. It's not gonna stop whatever's going on in your personal life."

That's when I made a miracle happen.

Travis froze.

He didn't punch me like he was just about to.

He.

Froze.

He didn't speak either.

He just stood there.

Frozen.

   I sat down on the bench and patted the spot next to me. Travis just stared at it before sitting down next to me. "Look I have no idea what goes on at home or what you're going through. You don't have to tell me either. I just want you to know that I'm here to talk if you need me. You don't need to take it out on others," I said quietly, be careful to choose my words because I can only disarm people for so long.

  Travis sighed deeply and stared at the ground,"I-I don't know. I just-I think being in a strict household gets to me and-and my dad. I..." he trailed off but I didn't say anything, I waited for him to possibly continue. "I think I'm gay," Travis said quietly and I looked at him. "What's wrong with that?" I asked. "My dad doesn't believe in it. He says that it's wrong and-and everything I grew up around was saying it was wrong and-and I just don't know. I MIGHT be gay but I'm not a hundred percent sure," Travis sighed,"This is just so complicated."

I reached over and I hugged him.

Please don't push or punch me.

PLEASE don't push or punch me.

But I was wrong.

He hugged me back.

And he cried.

   I sat there and I rubbed his back. "Sh...It's ok, Travis...it's gonna be ok...I'm here to help," I whispered those words over and over again until I felt and heard Travis' cries die down. He left go of me and wiped his eyes,"Why are you being so nice to me?" I stood up and held my hand out for him. He took it and I helped him up,"Everybody deserves a friend." Travis looked down and I did too.

Oops.

We looked up at each other and I laughed nervously, letting go of his hand, "I should go before a search party gets sent out for me." Travis nodded,"Y-Yeah ok..." I waved and ran back inside so I could find the group and head back home.

What just happened?

*Travis' POV*

I looked down at my hand and blushed slightly.

Why are you like this, Phelps?

You claim that you might be gay.

Then you start blushing over a girl.

What is this?

  I sighed and angrily threw a rock across the grass as hard as I could.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe I'm not gay.

Maybe I-

There's no way-

  I sat down on the bench, that same bench where Scar-Face and I just had our first heart-to-heart conversation.

Maybe I have a crush on Scarlett Fisher...

  I buried my face in my hands and began to cry all over again, all these feelings coming into my brain like a wave rushing onto shore.

Maybe I'm wrong again...

Maybe...

Just maybe...

Maybe I am gay.

Maybe I'm so determined on convincing myself  that I'm not gay...

That I'm hallucinating or making up having feelings for Scarlett.

Oh God, what has life come to?

Lord, have mercy on my soul...