Living With The Pain

⚠️Heartbreak City

*ThReE mOnThS lAtEr*

  I woke up and sighed. Today marks three months where Travis and I haven't been talking. Barley even started dating and we already have problems. I don't even know if I can live anymore. This is getting too much and I might as well just end it all. I reached under my pillow and touched the knife under my pillow.

Now could be the day...

Now could be the time...

But I promised Larry I wouldn't.

  I sighed and let go of the knife. I got up and did my morning routine. I put on a long-sleeved white shirt with yellow horizontal stripes. I put on blue jeans that were ripped at the knees and I put on my white socks and white shoes.

I grabbed my phone, brushed my hair and put on my prosthetic. I walked out my room...only to see Travis sitting on my couch. "What are you doing here?" I asked: "Oh! Scar! I-I came to meet Sal," Travis explained. I nodded slowly and walked over to the kitchen to get myself some cereal. "Actually, I have to tell you something,"Travis said and I looked at him,"Hm?" "I um...I'm sorry...I know I asked you out and you were hesitant, but you still said yeah. Anyway, I just...Scar. I'm gay."

I nodded,"Explains the rainbow shirt. I guess we aren't a thing anymore..." Travis nodded,"Yeah, I guess." I sighed,"I guess I can't be mad at you anymore." Travis nodded,"Yeah..." "Hey Travis, you ready to g-" Sa looked at me and Travis confused. I smiled,"We're good now, Sal." Travis looked at me, then smiled and looked back at Sal,"Yeah..." Sal smiled and him and Travis left the apartment...

*Sal's POV*

Travis and I were taking a walk around Wendigo Lake. "So...you and Scar are ok now?" I asked. Travis nodded,"I'm just glad that she isn't mad at me. At least not anymore." I smiled and nodded,"I'm glad you're ok. I know your argument has been messing your head." Travis smiled shyly,"Yeah, a bit. I'm just upset with myself that I had to get with her then break her like that." "She's tough. She was hurting and you could see that in her behavior...but she's gonna get over it,"I explained. Travis nodded,"Thanks Sal. You're always here for me."
I smiled,"Always."

"Sal?"

Uh oh...

  Travis and I turned to see Ash a few feet away from us. "Sal...Why are you and Travis," Ash stopped, seeming to try and get her thoughts together. "Are you-" I sighed,"Ash, it isn't like that." "No. It's exactly like that. You know what, Travis? You and Sal have been getting a lot closer lately and I don't like it. I haven't liked it. All you've done for these past few months is come in and mess everything up,"Ash paused," So, if you two wanna be friends and be together then fine...but Sal?" "Yeah?" I asked. "We're over. I'm leaving,"Ash said, her voice breaking,"Goodbye Sally Face."

That's it.

She ended it.

Now she's gone...

I sighed and Travis hugged Me. I hugged back and cried. I really did love Ash. I just let her slip through my fingers. "It-It's gonna be ok, Sal,"Travis said,"I'm right here." I nodded and kept crying. I was crying so hard that I started shaking. I can't believe that just happened. I can't believe I let that happen.

I sniffled and let go of Travis just so I could wipe my eyes and free my face of my tears. "Do you...Do you wanna talk about it?" Travis asked and I shook my head no. To be honest, I didn't wanna talk at all. There was just something about Travis' presence that helped me relax. Even if it was only a little bit of relaxed.

  I sniffles and walked over to a tree close to the lake, I leaned against it and slid down to the grass. I hugged my knees and rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes. Regretting every single decision I've made for the past three months.

Maybe it isn't regret...

Maybe I wanted this to happen...

  I heard a bit a shuffling then Travis sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I lifted my head up to look at him,"How can I live anymore?" Travis' eyes widened,"No SallyFace. Don't think like that. Don't say those kinds of things." I shrugged,"What else and I supposed to say?" Travis thought for a moment,"Try thinking more...reasonably. Ask a more reasonable question."

Now it was my turn to think. What could I possibly ask? The question I already asked him seemed reasonable enough. I took a deep breath and looked at Travis,"How am...How does...How am I supposed to love again? Am I capable of loving again? After my heart has been broken into a million pieces by the one person other than my family that I've ever loved."

Travis sighed,"They'll be others...you just haven't met them yet. You'll be able to find someone, Sal." "How do you know that though?" I asked. "Because...because I believe in you. You're a very likable person, Sal. You can do it. You'll be able to love again and learn the love of your other in the process,"Travis explained and I nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder.

Call my crazy but...

Maybe my other is sitting next to me right now...

Maybe...

Maybe my other's been here this whole time...

But we've both been too blind to see it...