Living With The Pain

The Aftermath

  I woke up and did my morning routine as always. Today putting on a black short sleeved shirt with black shorts and black sneakers. I tied my red and black flannel around my waist and I threw on my black hoodie. I grabbed my phone and my bag and headed to school with Sal like I usually do.

~~~

At lunch, I sat down at lunch with Sal, Chug, Maple, Ashley, Todd and Larry like I usually do but instead of engaging in conversation about ghosts in the apartments and comparing about school and teachers...I kept my head down. Thinking about my life choices and overthinking every situation.

Why would you do that?

You know it hurts everyone around you...

Yet you do it anyway...

God you have to start taking your meds again.

No.

The meds numb you.

Help you not feel.

But you wanna feel.

You wanna feel every little emotion.

Just to feel normal...

But at what cost?

  "Scarlett." I lifted my head up slightly to look at Larry,"What?" He looked a little stunned at my tone but he didn't show it for long,"You alright?" I nodded and put my head back down. "You haven't eaten anything," Larry continued on,"you should eat." "Not hungry," I mumbled. "Scarlet..."
I lifted my head up and I stood up, grabbing my bag and putting it on,"Just leave me alone," I mumbled before walking out the lunchroom.

  I walked over to my locker and opened it, I started putting my stuff away and putting what I needed in my bag. I looked at myself in the mirror and I pulled up my left, looking down at my arm. I heard a gasp and I turn around.

Larry.

  I pulled down my sleeve as we stared at each other in silence. Larry stared at me before looking at his locker, then he turned on his heels and walked off. "Larry wait!" I called after him and sighed.

You mess up everything...

~~~

  After school, after getting home and getting settled in, I went to Larry's place. On my way, I spotted Lisa working like always,"Hey Lisa! Is Larry home?" Lisa smiled,"Yeah! He should be in his room!" "Thank you, Lisa," I smiled at her and went down to the basement. I walked into their house and I knocked on Larry's room door. "Come in!" I took a deep breath and opened the door.

I stepped into the room and shut the door behind me. "Listen Larry..." "why would you do that?" Larry asked quietly. "I-I just-" I sighed and I sat down on the bed next to him. I played a Sanity's Fall CD and I set the volume really low so it acted as background noise. "I haven't taken my meds lately. I hate taking them. They make me feel numb, I can't feel anything when I take them...but I want to feel and I want to be normal for once," I explained. "But taking the mess means you feel all the emotions, even the bad ones. So it got so bad that you did that," he continued.

  I nodded,"So after what happened with Travis, I did that." Larry reached over and rolled up my hoodie sleeve. He gently traced the cuts with his fingers and I sighed quietly. "You should've come to me,"He whispered. I nodded,"I know, Larry-Face. I'm sorry." 
Larry hugged me, so I hugged back and I started cry.

I couldn't contain myself. My heart felt like it had dropped to the bottom of my stomach and my brain was in a whole bunch of tangled webs and strings. I couldn't stop crying so I tried to focus on something else.

Larry.

This Hug.

Warm and comforting.

It felt...

Right.

I took a took breath and wiped my eyes on Larry's shoulder. "I'm sorry...I'm so-so sorry," I mumbled. "Sh...it's ok, Scarlett...I'm here now...it's all gonna be alright," Larry whispered and I let go of him. I sniffled and he wiped the tears from my face. "Who else knows?" He asked. "Just you," I paused,"Don't tell anyone else! Please!" I started to lose breath and started shaking. "Woah, dude. Hey, hey hey!" Larry put his hands on my shoulders and used his thumb and index finger to guide my head to look at him,"I'm not gonna tell, ok? I'm not gonna tell anyone.." I nodded. "Now breathe, it's gonna be alright." I started to take deep breathes and I eventually started breathing correctly and stopped shaking.

  "Now go home and get some rest ok?" I nodded and stood up, I walked over to the door and opened the door. "And Scarlett?" I turned around,"Yes, Larry-Face?" "Do me a favor and start taking your meds again...or try and not cut yourself again," Larry said."  I nodded and smiled,"I'll try." I stepped out the room and shut the door, heading home for the night.

*Larry's POV*

  I sighed happily and laid back on the bed.

I'm glad she came and talked to me about it.

I'm glad she trusts me.

  I turned over and stared at the wall, my mind kept replaying what happened over and over again. I couldn't think of anything else but that moment.

Anything else but her.

I turned and looked at the ceiling, running my hand through my hair. I sighed.

I can't get this girl out of my head.

Great. Just great.

I have a crush on my best friends sister...