Living With The Pain

Advice

*TrAvIs' PoV bRo'S*

I sighed and looked at the door in front of me. Am I really doing this? Come on, Travis. Man up, bro. I knocked on the door lightly and started to play with my thumbs. The door opened to reveal the one person who I'd never thought I'd talk to. "TrAvIs?" Todd asked, in his nerdy voice and his slight lisp,"What are you going here?" I took a deep breath,"Well, I-I just-I wanted to ask you some questions...If that's ok." Todd just nodded slowly and let me in.

I walked into the place and took in my surroundings. "Nice place you have here," I said as I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at the wall with tons of pictures of Todd and who I'm guessing is his boyfriend, on the walls. Yeah, that is his boyfriend. Sal said he had a boyfriend. "Thanks, Travis," Todd said,"you can sit...if you want." I nodded and sat down,"Actually, Sal said your boyfriend's in town...Can we all talk?" Todd raised an eyebrow in suspicious before going to get his boyfriend.

I took a deep breath and played with my thumbs again. It's not that serious, Travis. It's just a small conversation...about being gay. May the Lord have mercy on my soul. I looked up to see Todd walk in with his boyfriend, Neil, I'm pretty sure that's what his name was. The tension in the air was so electric you could feel it make the hairs on your arm stand up.

Todd and Neil sat on the couch opposite from me. "So, what's the matter Travis?" Todd asked. "I-Uh-Well,"I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my neck,"I need some advice...on being...gay?" "Oh,"Neil said and put his arm around Todd,"yeah, I guess we can help with that. Do you have any questions?"

I relaxed a little at how they haven't snapped at me or been mean to me yet, even though all I've done was bully Todd and bring him pain. "Uh...I guess I could start with...how do I know when I'm comfortable with it?" Todd's eyes lit up,"That's easy. You feel comfortable being gay when you're not ashamed of it and you can talk about it all you want without getting uncomfortable.' I nodded, absorbing and processing this new information.

"Hm...Am I going to feel weird having a crush?" I asked. Todd nodded,"At first, it will be weird because have a same sex crush is not what is expected. You'll be unsure at first if you think someone is attractive or you like them. Depending on who your crush is, it can feel ok or it can make you feel really bad." "Ok,"I said slowly.

"How long should I wait before I get a partner?" I asked. "Uh,"Neil began,"It depends on how you feel. Having a same sex partner is the same as having a straight partner. When you feel like you can do a commitment to someone, then you're ready." I nodded and smiled a bit, immediately starting to think of Sal. I've liked him for a while, I think I'm ready if he is.

  "Ok, last question. Is it better to come out to friends or family first?" I asked. "That's easy,"Neil said,"If you're close to your parents them come out to them. If you are close to siblings then come out to them. If you have a best friend then come out to them. Honestly, it's up to you on who you trust the most. Family can be understanding but if you're not close to close to them it may be harder to do. If you don't have a good friend you can trust, then find anyone you can trust."

I nodded and smiled,"Thank you guys. I appreciate it." Todd nodded. "You're welcome," Neil said. I stood up,"I should get going. Goodbye. Have a good day." I waved and walked out of there place so I could head home. Now I know what I'm going to do with my life.