Living With The Pain

Thinking Out Loud

I woke up and did my morning routine, deciding to wear a back shirt with white horizontal stripes. Paired with black jeans that are ripped at the knees and white shoes with black striped on the side, along with one gold bracelet and one silver bracelet. I put on my prosthetic, grabbed my phone and walked out my room.

"Where are you going?" Sal asked me the moment I walked out my room. I rolled my eyes,"What are you, the house police?" Sal nodded and stood up,"Where are you going?" "Nowhere special," I explained. "Where?" Sal asked. I sighed and rolled my eyes,"I'm going to Larry's, Lord Jesus! I'm bored so I'm going to Larry's!" Sal nodded,"Have fun." I waved and headed to Larry's apartment.

~~~

Larry sat on his beanbag chair sketching while I sat on his bed, head banging to the Sanity's Fall song that was playing on a low volume for background noise. I heard Larry laugh and when I looked up I realized that he was looking at me so I stopped. I laughed a little,"So what are ya drawing?" "I um," he looked down and I could see him blush a little,"it's...special but I-I don't wanna talk about it. It isn't that good anyway." I pouted,"But I wanna see." Larry looked at me and sighed,"Fine. Maybe when it's done." "Yay!" I smiled and he smiled at me a little.

I stood up and started to look around Larry's room, looking at everything he had. I smiled to myself as I looked around.

The room matches him perfectly.

"Can I ask you something?" Larry asked. "Technically, you asking me if you can ask me something IS you asking me something,"I said. Larry goes quiet then looked at me confused,"Wait what? Woah..." I laughed and shook my head,"What's the question...Larbear?"

Larry groaned loudly, making me start giggling. "I hate my mom for calling me that in front of you,"he said and I stopped giggling. "Don't be. It's cute," I shrugged. Larry shook his head,"Anyway, I was gonna ask why you wear your prosthetic around me."

Oh.

"I Uh-I dunno," I responded. "Oh...I just thought that we're at a stage where...where you could be comfortable not wearing it around me," Larry explained, his voice gong to confident to quieter and a bit insecure in a matter of seconds. I sighed and reached behind my head, unbuckling my prosthetic and setting it down on the bed. Larry looked up and gasped quietly,"You didn't have to-" "No, you're right,"I cut him off,"I should be able to trust you." I ran my hands through my hair, letting it fall in my face a bit.

Larry stood up and stood right in front of me. He looked down at me and smiled, brushing a stand of my hair away from my face. I felt a slight blush creep up on my cheeks so I turned my head away,"Stop looking at me like that. I'm ugly." "Hey,"Larry put his hands on my shoulders and I looked up at him,"you are not ugly. So don't EVER say that again." I paused for a moment,"But I am ugly."

Larry sighed and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged back and he kissed the top of my head,"You're not ugly...you just, you're different. That's what's pretty about you." Larry let go suddenly and day back in his chair,"Can you sit back on the bed for me?" I nodded and sat down, waiting for Larry to finish his drawing as he went back to it.

~~~

"Done!" I got up from the bed and walked over to Larry. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded and he showed me his drawing. I gasped quietly and covered my mouth with my hand.

It's me.

He drew me.

Except it wasn't really me. It was but it wasn't. Half of me was me with my prosthetic on and the other half was me without it. All of the emptiness of the page around me was filled with hearts and flowers and patterns that looked beautiful yet complicated.
"Larry, I...Wow," was all I could say.

Larry got up to put the drawing down in a safe place before walking back over to me,"Thanks." I couldn't even speak, all I could do was look at Larry in shock. Larry waved his hand in front of my face,"Yo. Scarlett." I blinked twice,"Why do you call me by my full name? Nobody else does."

Larry shrugged,"Because I want to." I sighed because I could tel that was a lie...but I wasn't gonna push it so I just nodded. "That. That was beautiful," I finally said, changing the subject to the masterpiece Larry had created. "See? Now you can see yourself through my eyes,"He explained, making us both stop in our tracks.

"Are you saying they you think I'm beautiful?"

"Would you call me crazy if I said yes?"

I took a deep breath and then laughed quietly,"You're crazy, Johnson." He nodded,"I know..." I looped my arms around his neck and got on my tip toes, just to give Larry a quick kiss on the lips. He smiled,"You're really gonna leave me like that?" I shook my head,"I'm just trying to make sure this is what we both really want. I don't wanna get more caught up in my feelings than I already am."

Oops.

I sighed and kissed Larry again before letting him go and grabbing my prosthetic, putting it back on and making sure I had my phone. "I'm gonna go...I'm really sorry," I said quietly. He just nodded,"It's fine. I get it. You're in a confused stage right now." I nodded,"Thanks for understanding. I'll see ya." I walked out and headed home.