This Time I'll Make It

I can if I want to 2.0

J's POV

It has been two months since D and I were together for the last time. The things he said... I've carried them with me. It wasn't easy letting him go. In fact, I'm not sure I have yet. But I no longer think about every day so that's a start. Sometimes I'm even able to go three to four days without thinking about him. Maybe it doesn't help that I see him at the bar almost every week when I go out for coffee with my friends but there really isn't much I can do about that. At least I managed to be able to not look at him the entire time I'm there like I used to at first. Last week I even was able to not look his way more than once, and we were there for two hours so I'd say I'm making progress. I can only hope that that progress helps me tonight...

I'm meeting some friends for drinks in a few minutes and L warned me that he was coming too. She thought I should know in case I didn't feel comfortable being that close to him. But I have to face him at some point, right? So I told I could handle it, I know I can. Plus, she said she would be there for me the entire time and I know she will be. The trick is pretending he's not there. If I do that, I'll be fine.

I keep telling myself it'll be okay the entire way to L's place. I knock on the door and take a deep breath before walking in. There's no going back now. I follow her into the living room and my eyes dart right at him. I smile to myself as I remember once more all the things he said and then I put those memories inside a box and lock it away for evening. I came here to be with my friends and have some fun and that's exactly what I am going to do.

I look away and walk towards the couch, where M and F make room for me to sit between them. We all start drinking and playing games while we listen to music and laugh our hearts out. It feels so good to be surrounded by my friends and just forget all my worries for a while. I'm even able to not look at or think about D the entire time, and that's a really big win for me. The hours go by too fast and before I know it, it's just me, M and D left at L's place.

"It's 2a.m. guys, I'm gonna go." M says.

"Me too." I hadn't realized it was this late, I'm glad I told my dad I would take a cab.

"No, don't go. Stay with me, I want you to stay with me." D tells me as he holds my hand in his, leaving me petrified.

"D we talked about this, you promised." The moment these words leave L's mouth, he lets go of my hand and disappears into the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. He's drunk, can you take him home?" I don't know why I still care but I can't help it.

"Don't worry, I'll take him home." She assures me.

M and I leave and make our way to the town square. I offered to walk her home but she said I didn't have to. We're almost at the beginning of the street when I get a call from L. We just left, why is she calling me?

"Hey, is everything okay?" I ask.

"J, I need you to come back here." She sounds worried.

"What? Why? What happened?" I don't understand, it has only been 5 minutes.

"It's D, he's calling for you. I was able to get him home but once we stepped inside his room he's just started calling for you. He even tried to leave to go after you but I stopped him. I'm really sorry to do this to you but I think you're the only one who can calm him down. Please, I'm afraid he's gonna hurt himself." She explains and I hear things breaking in the background.

"Just tell him I'm coming." I say and end the call.

I tell M everything L said and we both turn around and make our way down the street. I told her she could go home but she insisted on coming with me. She knows it won't be easy for me and wants to be there to help. When we get to the door, I freeze before I can knock on the door.

"I can't do it." I take a step back.

"Hey! You don't owe him anything. Just remember you're doing this for L and not D. Okay?" M holds my hands in hers and I nod.

M texts L asking her to come open the door. We get inside and L leads the way to his room.

"I had to lock the door so he wouldn't leave." She tells me as they move out of the way.

"Can you come inside with me? I can't do this alone." I ask and they agree.

The moment I unlock and open the door, D trows something against the wall, making me take a step back. Then he finally notices me.

"You actually came." He didn't expect me to.

He walks towards me and kisses my me. "I missed you. Can you stay? I promise I just want you to hold me."

"Let's get you to bed." I lead him and he lays down.

"Please don't do that, don't be distant." He kisses me again and this time I let go of everything I've been fighting.

I hold his face in my hands and kiss him back. He pushes me back on the matress and lays on top of me.

"I thought you just wanted me to hold you."

"I want everything with you." He hugs me. "You're so beautiful, I love you."

I take a deep breath and hold him in my arms. He lays down next to me and I sit up on the bed, allowing him to put his head down on my lap.

"Promise you'll be here when I wake up." D pleas.

L and M are looking at me as I say "I promise."

Ten minutes later, D's asleep so I get up slowly.

"How are you?" L asks.

"I don't know." I admit.

"I'm sorry I called you, I just didn't know what else to do."

"Don't worry, you were right to call me."

"J, I know you probably don't want to but I think you should stay the night." M's right, I probably should but I'm afraid he'll wake up tomorrow and throw me out.

"I can't, my parents would freak out."

"M's right, if he wakes up still calling for you and you're not here, God knows what he'll do. Just text your father saying you'll be sleeping at my place." I look at D.

"I know he wants me right now, but he's drunk. Tomorrow he's gonna wake up with one hell of a hangover and none of this will even matter. He'll just throw me out like I'm nothing, and I don't know if I can deal with that."

"Wait, you think he's drunk?" L laughs. "He's not, he didn't drink anything tonight."

"What?"I'm confused... "You're telling me he said those things sober, and with you here?" L nods.

I don't believe it. "After everything, how can I believe anything he says? How can I tell if he's being honest or just playing me? I should just leave and hurt him the same way he hurt me. But I can't 'cause that's not me."

"I know it's really hard to trust him so just trust me instead. He wants you to stay, he needs you to stay. And if you need anything I'm one minute away." She says.

"J?" D calls.

I walk to the bed and sit down next to him. "I'm right here."

"I thought you had left." He hugs me tight.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." I assure him before kissing his forehead.

After telling L and M that they can go, I take off my shoes and clothes and put on a t-shirt that's laying on the chair. I move to the bed and lay down next to D and he pulls me closer to his body. He kisses me and this time I'm not stopping.