Growing Up

A Hollow Victory

Well this was the first story I ever put on here, so please understand it isn't very good. We all get better with time:)

Comment Vote and do all that good stuff that you readers do. I hope you enjoy it, if not there are other stories I have written.      

Thanks to all the support. 

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“Billy…” my voice was a quiet whisper. It was happening again, I had the urge to do it, but I was too scared. Everyone was zoned; they had the knives carefully gliding against their flesh. They were troubled from the start, it was sad to watch….but now it was my turn to aimlessly cut myself. Why was I there anyway? I wasn't a bad person, I didn't do bad things, sure I might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

            I was a decent A student. I was 5 foot 3 inches, 118.2lbs. I had long red-brown hair, and eyes the color of emeralds. My lips were big, deep rouge color and formed the biggest smile ever. I had a unique fashion sense and I was liked by more than half the school populous. And you’d think I was perfect, what the Hell kind of a world you live in. Can I join the club?

            “Billy, I can’t do it. I am scared.” I said panicking; the smell was almost so fresh to where it wasn’t even a smell. After really thinking about it, I began to smell it, not a great thing to smell actually. But for some reason when I was with Billy, nothing seemed that bad.

            You know how when you really love that person, the world just seems to be right. Well with him I was on cloud nine. One touch and I knew he was always gonna be there for me. To help me when I fall and to catch me when I trip. He was the reason that I was able to look at each day with a smile even when nothing was going my way. He was my way.

            And yet, there was so much blood, and everyone was so quiet. No! They weren’t dead, at least I'm hoping not. It just it made it weird to be there.

Billy was my boyfriend, putting that lightly he was--well we were more complicated. I have always loved the word boyfriend, but with Billy he was more than just my boyfriend now, he was my life, he was my everything. Billy was my sky, sun, moon stars more than more than anything else. It was kind of my weakness, a bad boy with good looks and who needed me more than anyone else, sorta why I am here now. I he was my only thing to hold onto, there was no one else I could depend on.

“Milly all you have to do is grab the knife like this,” ‘slash’ more hot sticky red stuff. I almost lost it; my lunch was coming fast, but than I looked into Billy’s eyes. Billy made it look so easy, “that feels so good.” His cool breath was intoxicating, more than I could handle he promised a way to be free to keep me from the hate and resentment. He said. His eyes were a dried amber color; they had a kind of spell over me.

I cringed at the sight, but it was so interesting, transfixing almost, to watch him. He was a tall well built 17 year old, his hair was a moppy black mess, which lay in heaps, on occasion covered his eyes. His eyes were like crystallized honey and ice and his smile would make you change any bad thought you had. He was a laid back chill kind of guy. I loved him. i didn't love who he was I loved what he did for me.

            I grabbed the knife-I felt the coolness of the blade against my wrist, one last look at him. I closed my eyes; tears were falling from my face. ‘I am scared, but I love Billy and I am sure it’s worth this.’ The knife gently tore at my smooth caramel skin. Allowing all the pains fears worries to mix in with the heated red mess. I let go of the knife and grabbed my wrist. Billy you were right I feel better, you kept your promise- I LOVE YOU finally you kept your promise.

  Billy was proud of me; I was free and for once I didn’t need my parents help. Oh God if only they were here so I could as them for guidance. I don’t like being alone. I was moving on. There was an adrenaline rush a sense of freedom. ‘I like the feeling of freedom- freedom feels good. I want life to be good.’

            “Billy that was- well so to speak- fun. I like the feeling of freedom of being free. Thank you.” He had released me from Hell and I could think, breath, and feel life again. Billy gently touched my face, turning more and more into caressing then he held my face still. How his cold eyes could burn. 

“You can’t show this to anyone,” he said while letting my face go to switch and grab my wrist, “I mean to no one. Okay? Promise me?” He looked deep into my eyes making a silent promise.

“Okay, I promise.” With a simple nod of my head I knew things were going to change. Who was I going to show to anyway? With a smirk he kissed me with the most passionate kiss of my life.

            “I love you Milly, okay, I love you so much.” He was holding my head between his hands, staring into my soul with those eyes. He grabbed my hand and we left the pain in the past.  Now back to Hell. It was a quiet walk home; there was no need to talk. ‘Billy loves me, he really loves me.’ Today was perfect. I found a new way to be free and be with Billy.

            When I got home no one was there-not that anyone ever was-but still not a soul.  I had to tell Billy that I didn’t have parents or any family, they were gone. Perfect my ass. I had to tell him, maybe later just not tonight. A relationship built on trust? Fuck that, if that were true I wouldn’t be lying to him now would I. He never understood how to read me, I was like any book you just have to get past that boring life story and connect to that special character, we didn't connect.. We never would

            “Billy, see ya tomorrow. Thanks again.” I had never told Billy the whole truth, not yet, but I am getting there.I didn't matter anymore, we were just two teens who were bound together by an unforgiving past.

            “Hey, you think your parents would flip if I kissed you right now?” Billy was so clueless, so lost in the world, poor thing.

            “Uhhhh, yea they would. Now go home.” I was starving and I had to make dinner, not that anyone else was there to do it.

            “All the more reason too.” He smiled than grabbed my waist and we made out. I almost went through with it when my stomach started to growl. I looked at my watch and it was already 11 o’clock.

            “Bye, Billy. I love you see you tomorrow.” I waved good-bye and finally got inside my house.

“Yea? Bye Milly. I love you too.” He waved and got into his car and drove away. His face was so warm and innocent I just wanted to tell him everything to make him understand.