When Angels Sin

31. Flawless

Mikal

Mikal woke up with a sharp gasp. His heart beat wildly, and he struggled to breathe. Another horrible nightmare. It was very dark inside his room as well, which scared him. But he had never been scared of the dark, unlike most Engelmen. He opened his shaking palms and closed his eyes, conjuring a flickering sphere of pale blue light that barely showed him the white lace canopy enclosing his bed. 

He leaned back to rest against the headboard, and he realized how unusually feverish he felt and how his head was about to explode from the pain. It must be from drinking too much last night. Last night, he thought. His body shook and his chest tightened as he recalled the dreadful thing he had done last night. Alina... what have I done? How could he be so stupid? Yes he was drunk, but what he did was unforgivable.

He had never forced himself on a woman before. He had never even approached a woman before. He was the one always chased by women. But the only woman he loved rejected him and it drove him mad. He only ended up almost raping her, and most likely losing her. She was right. He was just like Bernard. She must hate him too now. He slammed his head back against the bed board in frustration, and he cried, overwhelmed with guilt and shame. He realized with horror how deeply in love he was with Alina.

***

Several days had passed. Alina had been deliberately avoiding him. And so had he. He didn't know how to approach her or what to tell her, and it was making him even grow more furious. He had never been at such a loss before, and especially with a woman. Everyone could tell he was not alright, but it was mostly thought to be because of the tension between him and Bernard lately. Only his mother and Vilfred knew that what he suffered had something to do with Alina. But still, even they did not know what had happened exactly.

"Are you still not going to tell me?" Vilfred whispered as they walked through the courtyard, supervising the loading of arms and camping equipment onto the sky carriages, for they were leaving to Grytia the next day.

"I told you nothing happened. Stop asking me," Mikal whispered impatiently. Vilfred had not stopped nagging him for the past week.

"Alright I will not ask you again. But since we're leaving tomorrow, I'd suggest you go make up with her, at least to have your mind cleared up for our coming battle..."

"But I didn't do anything to her," Mikal defended at once. "She's only upset because I am engaged to Hilda, and she is married to Bernard. But there's nothing we can do about it, is there? She just doesn't want to accept that we are not meant for each other. And you know what? I don't care anymore. There are plenty of other beautiful girls out there who would just beg me to smile at them. I don't really care for Alina that much anymore."

"Do you really believe what you're saying?" Vilfred frowned at Mikal. "Look at you, speaking nonsense! If you really didn't care you wouldn't have looked all so miserable – "

"I don't look miserable."

"Perhaps you need to fix your mirror then..."

Having enough of Vilfred's nagging, Mikal simply turned and left the courtyard without another word, heading back to the keep. He didn't want to go back to his room yet, so he only flew aimlessly through the long hallways and high arches. Until he found himself standing at Alina's door. To say that he had flown aimlessly would be a lie. Vilfred had been right. Mikal needed to see her. And he knew he would find her here.

"Alina. May I speak with you?" Mikal asked calmly, hiding his deep nervousness as he entered her room. She was apparently alarmed to see him, and she rose off her seat quickly, looking back at him with a troubled expression.