BTS SUGA Oneshots 《COMPILATION》✓

bad butterflies

For the rest of my life, I never feel so ashamed of myself before. I mean- yes, I've been there before where I was so depressed, hating myself, look down on myself, feel like I wasn't enough but it was some kind of different feelings compare to what I feel now. I'm not that old me anymore. Even though that 'me' from my past is still part of me but I've moved on and start loving myself now.

Thanks to my super boyfriend who reach out his veiny-hardworking hands on me and lead me out from the dark. The moment he flashed me his bright smile for the very first time, I was captivated, like watching a firework show. The feeling was amazing, he is amazing.

He's not a man that come out with sugarcoating words. His words are bluntly sharp and sometime painful, but he stay true to himself. He has struggles so much back then but he keep getting up and stay strong for himself.

"But now since I met you, I have one more reason to wake up in the morning. It's you, my sweet, my candy." he would remind me when we're up at some 3AM talks over the phone despite being miles away from each other. The more I got to know him, the deeper I fall for him.

Yes, we fall in love.

or at least that's what I thought at that moment.

Why?

Because if I love him, I wouldn't start having that whatsoever feelings with somebody else, isn't it?

So what the hell I'm doing right now?

My eyes laid on him and the way he laugh. His skin glowing when he was dancing passionately. The way he moves was flawless, beautiful, artistic and irresistable.

I was suppose to keep my mind for my boyfriend only, so why I keep thinking of him lately?

"Hey, candy. What are you doing?" His arm slipped to hug my waist and I flinch a bit in surprise. "What were you thinking, huh? Looks like it's serious?" He added, with his little whining voice.

How could I tell him that I just wondering my mind about one of his bestfriend lately, how do I do that?

"Nothing, Yoongi. Just some random thoughts." I lied. Half-lying.

It indeed some random thought.

Yes. It has to be.

Yes. Min Yoongi is my boyfriend.

"Really? Even Hoseok notice that you looked pale earlier when we were together. Are you really okay?"

THUMP.

Yes, Jung Hoseok is that man who keep running in my mind lately.

Everytime, every single time I saw him I just don't know what to do. I couldn't think of him that way but my mind just uncontrollable.

It's so wrong. It's a mistake.

Maybe it's just some temporary crush.
Maybe I just adore him a little bit more than Yoongi's other friends.
Maybe our zodiac are matching to be friends...?

Those are the reasons I keep holding on to tightly to keep myself out from trouble.
Or does it mean that I'm just cowardly running out from the reality?

I'm not pretty sure but one thing I'm sure, I'm having bad kind of butterflies in my chest right now, like I have something to hide from Yoongi.

I don't want to hide anything, but could I escape from this?

"Candy, hey look at me. What's wrong?" he woke me up from my daydream once again and I look at his angelic face, Min Yoongi I love you but I'm sorry because I want somebody else.

What do I lose if I don't choose and keep it to myself?

Will this bad butterflies just go as time goes by?

"Oh hold on, Hoseok make a call."

damn, it wouldn't be that fast.
⠀
⠀