After class I go to Hardin's, because I don't feel like being home alone. I hate being alone with my thoughts when I'm not feeling well, because that's when I make the worst mistakes.
We both have lunch and then we go to study.
He's on the desk and I'm on the couch, with my laptop on my lap.
I chew my pen while looking at an article, but I'm not really reading it.
Is he with her now? No, no, no, I don't care.
I never tried so hard to be away from a boy... and I never wanted a boy so badly.
I have to think of something else. Article. Read the article.
Is Júlia okay? I have to call her.
Is my mother okay? No, no, no, I don't care.
Thankfully, I still have a lot of time until the first exams. I cannot focus.
If only I could take...
Hardin interrupts my thoughts because he gets up from his chair, grabs the pack on the nightstand and lights a cigarette.
"Give me one!"
He approaches me, gives me the cigarette, and I put it to my lips. He ignites the lighter and holds the end of the flame just below the end of my cigar. I deeply inhale the smoke. Then he goes to his desk and comes back with the ashtray, sitting next to me.
"I need a break. I have an error in my code, but I can't find it." He blows several smoke rings into the air.
"Yeah, programming must be difficult. I don't think I'd have the brain to study IT, engineering or whatever," I say.
He doesn't answer me and we just look at each other in silence.
"Today is Friday, we should do something," I say.
"I'm going to tell the guys to dine here," he says.
I love being with Hardin, but I'm starting to not feel like having sex with him.
Interesting. This is a new one to me.
Obviously, it happened to me before I got tired of being with a guy. But I just never wanted to see him again. It never happened to me to get tired of being with a boy in bed, but wanting to continue to have his presence in some way.
I put my hand over his. I really don't want to lose him, I want to be with him like this whenever I want.
***
We are settled on one of the gardens of Hardin's place. It's cold, but we're all pretty warm. We were already drinking during dinner.
We decided to play "I never". The game consists of saying something they've never done, and whoever's done it has to take a drink. We came ready, because we bought two bottles of vodka, a bottle of scotch, a bottle of Tequila, and several bottles of beer at the store. It was actually too much, and the worst part is that I'm pretty sure we're gonna drink it all. Marcus offers to get the game going.
"Alright, let's start this off. I've... never smoked pot," Marcus says this and everyone looks at everyone else except for Hardin, who stretches out his arm and grabs the bottle of vodka to drink a shot. I obviously stretch my cup towards Hardin so he pours some, and I take a shot myself.
Of course I've smoked pot several times. Now that I notice no one else has smoked pot besides Hardin and I, I start to realize why no one else has weed except for us. Or why no one ever suggests smoking. How have I never realized this before? I gotta talk about this.
YOU ARE READING
Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)
Romance"Can I give you a hug?" Is it possible to want and not want something at the same time? "Please?" he insists and I nod. He approaches me and my breathing becomes irregular, our bodies are too close. He doesn't hug me. Instead, his hands touch mine...
