I wake up startled and sit on the bed. It's daytime. I notice Peter covered me and he's sleeping on the floor next to the bed, but not the same side I saw him last time.
My chest feels heavy and I don't know what to do with myself. I just want to disappear. I don't know why I exist. I lie back down and see Peter wake up. He gets up and then he sits on my bed and caresses my head.
"Talk to me, keeping everything to yourself isn't good for you. I'll listen to everything you have to say and I won't leave, I swear. Vent, it'll make you feel better. This is what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want you to know anything about this story. You'd eventually forget me and move on with your life like before. I didn't want you to have a falling out with Júlia. I know how much she means to you."
"You didn't want to date a whore."
"Kelly. That doesn't matter." I take his hand from my head and stand up, and now I'm face to face with him.
"It matters, Peter. You know it matters. Júlia didn't lie. It's all true."
I get up and get vodka from the cabinet, two bottles of scotch and the drugs in my drawers. "And there's more. I'll let you know that I have serious problems with drugs and alcohol, before someone else tells you about that too."
I start tossing everything on the bed. I've got nothing to lose now.
"Now what?" I ask. Peter carefully inspects everything that's on the bed and deeply frowns.
I proceed, "Are you gonna want to stay here taking care of some drunken whore, or whatever it is you think you're doing? Because that's who the fuck I am. You know, it's funny to me that, in Paris, you said I got over my shit and you were proud of me. Well, there you have it. That's how much I managed to get over my problems with men, whoring around, drugs, and alcohol. And if it weren't for Júlia, things would be even worse. Now that I realize I can't even count on the only thing, the only person I thought was stable in my life, it's gonna be worse. The best thing is for you to leave right now and never come back, because with me, as you can see, life's gonna be hell."
Peter gets up and stands very close to me.
"Stop trying to remove me from your life, because I'm not going anywhere. The person I met is not all of those things you're saying. You may have made mistakes in the past, and maybe in the present as well, like taking all that shit when you're feeling down. We all make mistakes. But the Kelly I know is fun, joyful, smart, is strong because of how much she's been through, and still loves to dance, takes care of the people she cares about, is loyal, and likes to help others. Okay? You are that person. You're not what you just said. You say that because you want me to go, but I'm not going. I'm sorry about this mess. I wish you had never found out about any of this."
"And I was supposed to remain dumb, was that the plan? Everyone around me knowing I was being fooled?" I raise my voice.
"I really wanted you to forgive Júlia because she meant well, and now that everything's cleared up, we can be together again."
"I need time to think about all of this. I need time alone, away from you, Júlia, everyone."
"I'm not leaving you by yourself, I've already told you this. You're gonna take all of those drugs and you're gonna drink."
"You're never gonna look at me the same way, I know you won't." I start crying again. "You're always gonna see me as a slut. Not long ago with the Hardin thing you said that was exactly what was to be expected from someone like me."
"Shh..." Peter holds me and kisses my head. "I'm sorry, babe, I'm sorry, I said that because I was fucking jealous."
"No, Peter, you said that because that's how you feel, same way you didn't look for me these past weeks because you were disgusted with me."
YOU ARE READING
Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)
Romance"Can I give you a hug?" Is it possible to want and not want something at the same time? "Please?" he insists and I nod. He approaches me and my breathing becomes irregular, our bodies are too close. He doesn't hug me. Instead, his hands touch mine...
