Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)

Chapter 43 - Forgiveness

I head straight to my place after class. Peter is making me lunch and I'm looking forward to see what he prepared.

As I open the door to my studio, I see Peter in the kitchen, and Júlia on the couch.

"What's she doing here?" I still haven't called or texted Júlia back, and I've been avoiding her.

"You can talk to me directly, you know," she says from the couch.

"Babe, you two need to talk." Peter approaches me. "Please. I'm gonna go out so you can talk." And he removes his apron.

"You stay. She goes." Júlia gets up and comes closer.

"Kelly, be reasonable. I know I didn't act right, but I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I don't know this guy, and you tell me he's with some other chick in his room in the middle of the night, what did you want me to think? You told me yourself you assumed the worst!"

Peter looks between Júlia and me and then sits down on the bed.

"You could have thought whatever you wanted, but you should have never lied to me. I thought we were always honest with each other."

I feel the tears flowing down my face as I continue, "You didn't have to destroy my relationship. We could have talked, like we always do. How could you do something like this to me? Do you know what I went through because of it? What did Peter went through?" She hugs me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know I fucked up, I'll never lie to you again. I promise. This is all very new to me. I didn't see you for such a long time, and now in a few months you're going away forever, with an ocean standing between us. I got scared. Scared of you leaving and being all alone, because I won't be there for you. But I have to accept your decision. I just wished we could be together forever." Júlia's crying too, and we hold each other for a while.

"So does that mean all three of us are having lunch?" Peter asks to lighten the mood, now back in the kitchen.

I step away from Júlia and put my things down and take my shoes off.

"I really love you Júlia, but I feel really betrayed. You told one of my biggest secrets, it really fucked me up that you did that. I really want to forgive you, but I can't forget it because it hurts."

"I understand." Tears are still streaming down her face.

I add, "We all make mistakes. I've made plenty. Let's take it slow, okay?"

"Of course."

"But to answer your question, Peter, yes, we're having lunch."

The three of us smile and the mood becomes lighter. I wipe away my tears.

Obviously I was going to forgive Júlia. How could I not? All these years together, it couldn't end like that, because of one guy, even if that guy is Peter.

And I can't be a hypocrite. I've made many mistakes and know everyone deserves an opportunity to be better. But one thing is me knowing what the right thing is, and the other thing is to feel it in my heart.

***

"So, blondie, are you okay? I already heard that you and Peter are back together." Dylan sits in the chair in front of me. We are in Júlia's dorm waiting for the pizzas.

"Yes. We are fine." I smile at him to be nice.

David enters the common room, and we exchange an uncomfortable look. Our last meeting at Peter's room was not very pleasant. But it doesn't matter, we are not that close. However, he approaches me.

"Dylan, would you mind giving us a few minutes?" he asks.

"Sure." Dylan gets up and gives David his place.

Becky arrives and she goes straight to Peter. I just feel like attacking her. I hate that she is so close to him. I hate, hate, hate.

I'm making a big effort not to be jealous of Peter and Becky. But I can't get over Peter having slept with Becky, because when I saw her in his room, that was the first thing that came to mind. When I see her close to him it always comes to my mind.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke to you the other day," David tells me. Becky and Peter are talking and laughing. I can't take my eyes off them.

"Um, actually you were right, I'm the one who should apologize. I was angry, and I shouldn't have talked like that. "

"I feel like I was tough on you. I shouldn't get involved in your affairs. But you don't know what Peter went through when you two broke up." What David is saying to me makes me look away from Peter and Becky. I finally look at his face. He continues, "He was always terrible, and I supported him as much as I could, because after all we live together. I think I got too involved and unintentionally developed some anger towards you."

I hurt him. I'm bad. He deserves better. I don't want to leave him. I love him.

I reach for a beer on the table, but Peter approaches me and takes it out of my hand. I look at him, and he gives me a disapproving look. He will never let me drink again. Because I'm a drunken girl who doesn't deserve him. Then he turns his attention to bitch Becky who is still talking to him.

"It doesn't matter; I already told you we're good," I say to David that he's looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"I told Peter that I saw you with Hardin, because I can't keep my mouth shut. I like him, and I also like Hardin. I don't know how to deal with these situations. I hope that from now on everything goes well, because I don't really want to deal with a situation like this again."

"I also hope that."

I can't get over that I got involved with Hardin when Peter was sacrificing himself for me. I can't forgive myself.

"Changing the subject, I'm into Júlia. Do you think you could help me out? We have been together a few times, but now she hasn't paid me much attention... "

"It is probably because she is no longer interested. You better forget and move on. Trust me."

"Okay..." he says sadly. I get up and approach Julia.

"So, how are you?" she asks looking at Peter and Becky.

"Good," I answer.

"Are you sure?" She studies my face, because she knows me well. But she'll have to give me time to forget what she did to me.

"Yeah."

I'm attempting to make sure my relationship with Júlia goes back to being what it was. But it's funny how trust is something you build over time and so carefully, and can be lost just like that, without warning. And even though I forgive Júlia, I can't get over the fact that she betrayed my trust and caused me so much grief.

Maybe time will help heal all of this. But how long will it take? It's so uncertain. It's one day at a time.

I need help. Let alone now with Peter's mom almost here. I can't feel like this. I need to feel happy for her to like me.

After all, I'll be living with her not long from now. Until Peter and I find our own place, we'll be staying at his mom's.