Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)

Chapter 42 - Together

Peter puts on his dry sweater and his pants, which are still a little wet, and I put on the tracksuit. He insisted that we have to go out to the park to relax. It's sunny today.

"It'll be good for you to get some air... Besides, if we stay here, I won't have any sperm left in me." He laughs and I laugh hard, embarrassed.

"Best sound in the world," he says smiling.

He comes closer and strokes my hair, placing it behind my ears. He's always doing this and I love it so much.

I'm feeling my very weak legs tremble and realize he's right, we need to go out.

"I'm convinced." I put my sneakers on and stand up. "Let's go."

"And you have to eat." I sigh at what he says, because I'm not hungry. My stomach still hurts.

One day everything was fine and I was happy with this guy. The next day it was all over. Now everything is fine again. Until when? 

Life is bipolar, just like my mother. On good days she also always gave me hope, she made me believe that she loved me that we were fine, then everything started to go wrong.

I can't take happiness for granted. Never was, never will be. How do I know that he and I will be together forever? I want to. But the more hope the greater the fall.

I love him. Just as I love my mother. Just as I love Júlia. I need them.

***

We are walking and Peter is eating some cheese fries and a burger and is trying to feed me. My hair's still wet from the shower and feels good when it touch me in the face.

He puts the burger next to my mouth and I open it to receive it, and he shoves almost the whole burger in. I choke on the burger, and my face is a mess.

"You're crazy," I say to him, cleaning the burger out of my mouth with a napkin he gave me.

"And what are you?"

"Your nutty," I say, and Peter smiles widely at me. "Let's sit a bit."

We sit on the grass and I'm enjoy the sunshine on my skin; I wish I was in a bikini. I miss the temperature in Portugal, the hot weather, going to the beach with Júlia. 

My heart sinks. How did Júlia do such a thing to me? What hurt most is not being separated from Peter, is not that she lied. What hurt most above at all is how much he was hurt by this whole story. How much I hurt him.

I have to stop with the plans and games in my life because it only hurts. I have to be normal.

But I'm a slut. I'm a whore. I don't deserve him. I hurt him. I'm selfish. Because I want him, anyway. 

"I really love you, Peter." I look at him, and he looks back at me.

"I love you too, babe."

"Sorry I hadn't told you about my past. Sorry about this whole thing with Hardin."

"It's okay. It's in the past. What's important is that we're together now."

"The reason I didn't sleep with Hardin is because I just couldn't. I tried, but he wasn't you. I don't think I can ever feel the same way about someone as I feel about you."

"Wow. Thank you." Peter pretends to be full of himself, but he's clearly embarrassed. "I'm relieved that you're saying that because you won't need to be with anyone else, as far as I'm concerned. And I haven't been with anyone else either. You're my world."

I reach out to give him a kiss, and he hugs me. We lie on the grass holding each other. "Seriously, you don't understand how I felt when you told me you were with Hardin." He looks at me very seriously. "I think I have never felt that shitty in my entire life."