Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)

Chapter 36 - Game Over

Hardin has already left.

I'm in bed looking at the ceiling and my brain doesn't stop.

How it could be possible that Peter did something to me that was worse than anything that's ever happened before?

He showed me what happiness was and then left me empty again. This emptiness is much harder to bear, now that I know what it's like not to have it inside me.

I miss him more than I thought I could possibly miss something. Even after all the shit he's done to me, I'm incapable of not wanting to be with him. He's everything to me, even if I'm not the same to him.

I can't take this anymore. I can't pretend anymore that I'm strong.

I get up, put my shoes on and head out.

***

I find myself at Peter's door. What if he's in there with Becky? I feel a knot in my stomach as I imagine them in there and I hope to God it's not true.

I always knew I lacked self-love, but I'm spiraling further down than I've ever thought I would. I need to be with him, even if it kills my soul, even if it makes me weak, even if it makes me someone who lacks pride and dignity.

I'm addicted to him, and I was never able to deal with my additions.

I knock and wait. No one opens. I knock again. No one opens.

Maybe no one's in there. They're probably still downtown and for a few minutes I don't know what to do.

Oh my god, I'm officially nuts. I just lose it. What the hell am I doing here?

As I turn to leave, the door opens and I turn again. It's Peter, rubbing his eyes and extremely sleepy. When he sees me, his eyes open wide.

He's wearing nothing but his boxers. My entire body feels the magnetism.

"Kelly? What are you doing here?" he whispers in surprise.

"I need to talk to you," I say.

"Okay, but David's in here sleeping. Let's go to the kitchen."

"Then come with me to some park or my dorm. We can talk there. I don't want to whisper."

"Now?"

"Yes please, it's important."

"Okay okay, let me put something on. Wait here," he says and I nod affirmatively.

He goes back in, leaving the door open, and I wait for a few minutes. Anxiety is consuming me inside.

"Let's go," he says as he close the door. Peter is now dressed with a sweater and jeans. And just the fact that his gaze lingers on me, makes my legs feel weak.

We are reaching our bikes when he asks, "Can you say something? I'm nervous."

"No, I'll tell you when we get there, okay? I want to speak quietly and without arguing."

"So should we go to your place, then?"

"It's probably for the best, we can talk freely there."

"Okay."

To be honest, I'm not sure what I'm gonna say to him. I made this whole thing up to get his attention and so we could be alone, even if for a little while.

***

We enter my studio and when I close the door; I realize I have to say something and fast.

"Spit it out, then. What was so important that you had to show up in my room in the middle of the night?" Peter is standing in the middle of my studio.