Good at Games, Bad at Love (18+)

Chapter 22 - Being good

I head home, and as soon as I enter my studio I get this pain in my chest when I look around and see it decorated with tulips. On one of the desks I see a table set with love: two plates of cold food and a candle in the middle.

I pick everything up and leave the flowers. I don't even feel like eating the food he prepared, I'm not hungry. Just a knot in my stomach that grows stronger when I check my phone and see ten texts and twenty five calls, all from Peter and Martina.

I'm always sabotaging myself. I lie in bed crying.

***

I can't sleep all day, so I'm up an entire Thursday wondering what to do. I have to do something, I can't let Peter go this time. I don't know if I'd forgive myself if things ended this way.

I need advice, so I do what I always do when I'm feeling like this, call Júlia.

I pick up the courage to tell her about the latest developments, including Peter living with me these last couple of weeks. Of course she doesn't understand my fixation, and thinks it's just my obsession with complicated things, just like Diogo.

I feel disappointed that not even my best friend understands me. I didn't tell her about the drugs and the alcohol, just to keep her off my back. The call ends with her telling I should find some other guy and forget about Peter. But I'm not forgetting Peter. This call didn't help me at all.

Part of me is happy that Peter prepared all of this, but who's crazier, him or me? It's tough to say.

Him and I live in different countries with an ocean between us, and it's completely impossible for us to ever be in a relationship. Still, here we are, me wanting to live with him and him preparing these grand romantic gestures. I'll completely ignore this extremely important situation and simply try to fix my present predicament.

So, he says he won't forgive me, and that I'm bad for him. He says I should get away from him. Maybe the best thing to do is to just respect his personal space? But I really don't want to lose him. This time I should fight, no? I realize I'm always the one fucking up and it's perfectly normal for him to be sick of my shit.

Maybe the best thing I can do is to show him I can live without drama. I'll stay close and be good and normal, so he sees I'm the Kelly he met. Fun and chill. Without causing any trouble. Once some time passes without me causing any shit and I regain his confidence as a friend, I'll tell him I still care for him and that I'm different. And voilá, we'll be together. I'm a genius.

After coming up with a nice plan I can finally sleep, and I sleep for so long that I only wake up Friday in the afternoon. I call Martina right away to explain everything.

"Hey!"

"Hey, you finally call!"

"Sorry. I'm calling you to apologize, I don't know what I was thinking on Wednesday."

"Don't worry, I talked to Hardin and also with Peter, and I'm aware of what happened. How are you?"

"Lost... and embarrassed. But oh well, life goes on. Are you doing something tonight?"

"Don't worry about it, things will work themselves out! And yes, we're having Pizza at Dylan's. A nice quiet evening for us to be able to talk in person."

"Are Peter and Hardin going? And Becky?"

"We all are. And so are you, right?"

"Are Peter and Hardin cool after everything that happened?"

"Yeah, Peter called Hardin to apologize and they're good. Everything's great, please join us."

"Good! I'm so relieved, wow... And yes, of course I'll go. Even though I know I won't be too comfortable, but I really want things to go back to normal." And I really want to be with Peter, but I omit that part.