strangers

7

LM**

The moment I run away from the house and drove myself to the bar, all I am thinking was the time when my dad can't handle me being a gay anymore. That is the time before I left Thailand. The last words of him quickly brings back all the pain I have in me together with my luggage inside the airport.

'I'm done with all your shits Lisa!" His last words that left me a huge wounds inside my heart. The feeling of left out, unloved, unwanted brings back in me again this time is twice as the way Jennie said it to me.

"I'm not in the mood with all your shits" i thought we're good now. I thought I'm special to her. Maybe I didn't know her like that personally.

"you're already drunk. Stop now Lis" Bambam said.

"How can I advice you if you don't want to open up to me" he added. I pull out some cash and placed it on the counter.

"let's go! I want to sleep" I answered him. I'm not that drunk. I still can manage to walk straight and be aware of my surroundings. But Bambam here, being an older brother to me, acting exaggeratedly that I'm about to fall down that never happen in my life when we were drinking.

He's saying something but I didn't understand at all. My phone keeps on ringing and popping messages from Jennie but I ignore it. I tap Bambam's shoulder and ride my motor not minding what he's been saying.

"are you sure you can--" he was cut off when I drive my motor away.

After 15 minutes, I arrived home and parked my motor in front of my apartment. I glanced at my watch and I saw It's already 9 pm. Still early but I started drinking by 3 pm that's why I feel my body getting tired and i need some sleep.

II didn't knock but went inside my house. It's my house after all. I locked the door and walk straight to the stairs. I stop from my tracks when I saw from my peripheral vision the people sitting on the dining table. I turn my way to them as I kiss Ella's top head and proceed to auntie kissing her on the cheeks as greeting. I'm tipsy but I did have the manners.

"you smell like beer. You drink with your friends?" Auntie asked

"no. just Bambam" I answered. I didn't look or glanced at Jennie that made her mom's face became curious around.

"have you eaten?" auntie asked again.

"I'm good" I answered leading my way to the stairs.

"we waited for you so we can eat all together. Sit down here" Jennie commands but I ignore it.

"Jennie!" I hear her mom stop her. I shake my head trying to ignore her again.

"goodnight auntie' night ella" I shouted without looking back.

After a quick shower and changing into pajamas, I find myself staring at the ceiling. I drink for almost 6 hours but still I can't sleep as I twist and turn my body on top of my bed. I decided to go down and make myself a glass of milk. I went down and luckily no Jennie on the couch. I walk to the kitchen and make myself the drink I need to help me sleep.

I finish my glass and walk back again towards the stairs but I got flinched seeing Jennie sitting now on the couch. I want to avoid her as I quickly turn around and continue walking.

"Lisa wait please. Can we talk?" I didn't answer. I was about to take as step again when she speaks again.

"you can't avoid me forever you know?" I sigh and stop.

"I'm tired" I answered weakly. I'm hurt but I don't want her to feel the same way. I know I can't avoid her but I'm hurt and scared thinking she might left me too without saying anything so I start myself ignoring her and if the day comes that they will leave my house, its not hard for me to adjust.

maybe.

I got stiffen when a pair of hands grip my shirt from behind and hold it tight. She buried her face at my back.

"I'm sorry please stop being cold.Don't be mad. I hate it when you ignores me" I feel her pouted from behind me. She shakes me from her grip to get my attention and I chuckle secretly at her childish act. She finally wrap her arms from behind and it starts again. This heart beat that beats fast when she's around. I tried to pull her hands away but she keeps on tightening it.

"just go to sleep" I said stopping myself from smiling.

"I want cuddle please" This time she quickly run in front of me and hug me burying her head on my chest.

"I miss your cuddle. forgive me please?' I let out a long sigh.

"wow. that's long" she said that made me smile.

"I saw it!! You smile!d" she said with her gummy smile.

"eehhh.. I know you can't resist me!" she hug me again.

"fine" I said coldly to hide myself from blushing. I pull her by her wrist as we sit on the couch. I lean my back and she sits on my lap as she wrap her arms around my neck after she placed my both arms around her waist. She placed pepper kisses all over my face except on my lips and lean her head on the crook of my neck.

"Sorry" she muttered without looking

"shhh. just sleep" I answered.

"I didn't know. You didn't tell me that" she pouted.

"even if I didn't tell you that, you don't need to say it just to hurt me" She tighten her embrace by pulling herself closer to me.
" stop it now please. It scares me when you ignore me whole day" Her face on my neck starts to wet.

"you crying?" I asked worrying about her.

"since you left earlier" she answered that made my heart left a pang.

"why?" I asked confusedly but she didn't answer

"you don't know what you're doing to me Jennie" I confessed
"same here Lisa. same here" she answered that made me shocked. I embrace her tight feeling her warm body pressing on me as she deepen her hug in me feeling the loneliness avoiding each other. I can't confess now cause I'm still not sure what I am feeling towards her. Is it love or I'm just scared of the thought that I will left alone again? But I treasure what we are now. I feel loved and wanted for the first time in my life.

"why did you drink? who's with you?" she asked.

"I already said to auntie I'm with Bambam" she smirked then lift her face up and her hands cup my cheeks staring into my eyes.

"are you sure? it's just Bambam?" she asked in a cute way. Gosh! I wanna kissed that lips! But no.. I still respect her.

"I'm sure princess" I answered but she didn't stop the stare.

"then why did you drink?" she asked concernedly

"cause you hurt me" I answered almost whispered. Her eyes turns sad and pouted again.

"I didn't mean that" she again bury her head on my neck.