Make It A Sweet, Sweet Goodbye

Chapter 23 : I Don't Need No Medication

I didn’t want to go back to sleep. I /couldn’t/ go back to sleep. Not after the nightmare I just had. 

I pulled away from Alex’s chest, wiping my face with the back of my hand. 

“What time is it?” I croaked. My throat felt thick and tight. 

Alex pulled his phone out of the pocket of his basketball shorts and unlocked it. “3:22.” He replied, slipping his phone back in his pocket. I sighed and slid off his lap onto the carpeted floor next to him. I moved so I was leaning against the mirror, my knees tucked up to my chest. I was sitting so close to Alex that our arms were touching. 

“I don’t want to go back to sleep.” I whispered. “I can’t risk having this dream come back.” I told him, running a hand through my hair. 

“Lei, it won’t come back. You just have to tell yourself that nothing bad is going to come to you when you’re sleeping.” Alex said to me, placing a hand on my arm. It wasn’t a romantic, or affectionate touch like a boyfriend would do to their girlfriend, but a reassuring touch. 

I released a frustrated sigh. “It’s not that simple though. I can’t just tell it to go away and /poof/ it’s gone. It doesn’t work like that.” I told him. “I just wish this would end. I want to give up so bad and just let it overtake me; just to make it go away.” I whispered. 

“Leila fucking Montgomery, don’t /ever/ let me hear you fucking say that. Ever.” Alex told me, taking my shoulders and turning me so I was looking at him again, intensity burning in his eyes. “I have been in the same exact position as you, Lei, but I didn’t give up. I’m still here. You need to keep fighting this too. What would people say if you just gave up, let it all go, /took your life/? You can’t do that. I won’t let you.” He told me gently but sternly at the same time. 

I could feel heat rising in my cheeks. I never should have said that. Yes, I partially meant it, but I shouldn’t have said that, especially in front of Alex, who has gone through the same thing as me. 

I leaned over and wrapped my arms around him again, leaning into his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around me. 

We stayed there for a few minutes in silence before he broke it. “I lost you once, and it was my fault, please don’t let me lose you again.” And once he said that, that’s when the floodgates broke completely. 

Not only was I sobbing, but I could feel Alex’s tears dripping down onto my shoulder as well. He pulled back and put his chin on top of my head, letting me rest my head against his chest as my tears spilled onto his shirt again. 

“I hate seeing you like this Leila, especially when I know there’s nothing I can do about it.” He whispered. 

I pulled back enough so I was looking him in the eyes. “Alex, you’ve already done more than enough for me tonight. You’re slowly getting me through this, and that’s what matters. Everything that we went through brought back terrible memories, but you are slowly helping me get through them.” I told him. 

He leaned forward, placing a small kiss on my forehead. “Thank you. But really Leila, you need to sleep.” He said, and I sighed again. 

“Alex, I don’t think I can.” I replied. 

“Yes, you can. I’ll be here if it happens again. Trust me Lei.” He said quietly, and I did trust him. 

I stood up and grabbed pillows off on the couch in the green room, and Alex walked over and grabbed the blanket, flipping on the flashlight in the process. He went over and flipped off the lights, leaving the flashlight as our only light source.