𝘪'𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 ✓

five

"it's okay, baby." zayn comforts. harry had been sulking all day the moment the talk with his sister ended. for weeks, this is all it was like with her. she would get upset or in her feelings, because harry was moved on. harry knew she hadn't be able to move on yet, and he understands why it can be hard for her. but why does she have to make this harder for him?

she's not the one who had to see their mother get killed in front of her eyes, lost his own life as well and has to live with the fact that he's not even a human being anymore. everyday he struggles with these changes. it's not easy being what he's become. he doesn't feel like himself anymore.

he can't enjoy this summer like he wanted because the sun hurts his skin so bad after spending too much time in it, his eyes get agitated and hurt easily in the light, he has to keep drinking warm fluids and eating just to keep his body from being ice cold to the touch, and every time he cuts his fucking hair it grows back even longer within a minute- something harry grew to get annoyed by. anyways, he's struggling to accept himself as he is now, and he doesn't need his sister to be against him in this time in his life. he needs all the support.

getting passed his mother's death is one step closer to getting better, getting back on track with his life. zayn, and his friends have all helped him through this. so yeah, it came a little bit easier for him to mourn. he wishes that gemma could understand. clearly, she's not. she hates zayn, and she's annoyed with harry. he doesn't know what to do.

"she hates me." harry huffs, dejectedly. zayn shakes his head.

"no, she doesn't, you and i both know that. she's still grieving, and i can understand that." zayn says, rubbing harry's stomach soothingly. harry lolls his head to the side, to look at zayn.

"is it wrong for me to put this all behind me and try to live my life? is three months too short of a mourning period?" harry asked.

"grief has no time period, some grieve in days, and others it takes years. don't feel bad. you're allowed to feel how you feel." zayn tells him.

"i know... i just, it's kinda hard when she brings it up every single time i talk to her." harry shrugs, picking at his finger nails, sighing. "it makes it no better that she blames you, and hates me for still being with you." harry shakes his head as he drops his hands back to rest against his stomach.

"i've said my peace, h, she can think and feel as she pleases. i don't hate her for it. it is what it is." zayn replies. harry shakes his head, rolling his eyes.

"yeah, no it's not z. it's not because, i'm happy with you, and it's not your fault. we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. had she worked earlier that day, and hadn't been home, she'd be okay. it happens everyday, kids getting kidnapped, and people being murdered. it's no one's fault but the suspect responsible for it. i'm so mad at her for being mad at you, but i don't want to be mad at her, because i'm afraid that if i am, something else bad will happen like last time and i - i can't lose her too - she's-" harry cuts off his rambling, and sniffles.

"shh, it's okay love."

"sorry, i'm talking too much." harry wipes his eyes. zayn shakes his head.

"don't worry about that, i know how you get when there's something on your mind." zayn smiles softly, stroking harry's cheek. harry smiles weakly, leaning into his touch. he closes his eyes as his smile slowly drops, letting out a drawn out breath. zayn cups his cheek gently, eyeing harry for few moments of silence. "do you want to go see her?"

"hmm?" harry mumbles, opening his eyes.

"your mom, you wanna go see her?" harry pauses, biting his lip.

"i think i'm okay." harry answers.

"you sure?"

"yes. we've visited her so many times... i don't want to get emotional all over again. i've made so much progress, and i don't feel the need to visit multiple times a week now. i'm happy now... and i'm okay with that." harry admits, as much as he didn't want to. harry is okay with the way things are now. he doesn't need to keep hurting himself by going to his mother's gravesite every other day anymore. he feels better, he feels happy. he gets gemma is still in her mourning stage, but that doesn't mean should have to keep breaking his own heart over and over again.

zayn nods. "okay baby."

"your cuddles will make me feel a lot better though." harry says, biting his lip and looking at zayn batting his eyelashes. zayn chuckles and pulls harry into his chest.

"c'mere you big baby."

~

what's gonna happen next?

i don't want to move this story too fast, but not too slow either. but no worries things will pick up.

x