Enigmatic ✔

23|Release

Stella

A/N ;
May trigger suicidal thoughts or depression. I will signify with an *** when it is safe to read again if you wish to skip over that part.

I watch as the water runs out of the pipe. I still stare at it in disbelief. I can't believe I was even considering doing this. I've lost everything. I feel such pain yet such emptiness and I just want both of them to stop.

I feel useless. I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time and energy. I just didn't want to exist anymore. I wanted to dissapear.

I thought I had everything under control but I didn't. No one would miss me anyway so why not.
I get into the tub, as the hot tears pour down my cheeks. It's time to go under but I can't find the courage, the effects of the pills I took then would probably seep in.

Just like Hudson said. I lost myself, I once lived without fearing certain things and now I feared everything. I should be brave, I look at the water moving around me, then at the door, silently hoping for some guardian angel to tell me I shouldn't but of course nobody was coming.

I should just do it. I prepare to go under but I'm interrupted by my phone ringing. I looked at the caller I.d I picked it up split-second.

****

"I'm sorry" Is what I answer the phone with.

"Tell me, your depression is what caused you to think like that Stella please"

"I swear Hudson, it is, I wasn't thinking straight at that time, I don't know what's wrong with me Hudson, I don't feel like myself anymore" I say shifting in the water.

"Are you showering?" He asks.

Instead of answering the question I say, "I remember when we met" I find myself laugh-crying. "It seemed like you weren't affected by nothing in the whole world, you still don't"

"It's a skill I can teach you" He voices. "And why are you speaking in a 'see you later' kind of way"

"Hudson..I've made a decision, one that I think is best for all of us, my family and -"

"Stella, where are you?"

"Hudson, listen to me-"

He cuts off the call and I place the phone down, looking at the water again.

This is what is best. I take a few minutes to think about the life I've lived. It wasn't all bad, I've met some amazing people, ate some good food, but there's so many things I regret not doing. I let my thoughts carry me for about half an hour and then I finally go under. It's feels somewhat relaxing and I can feel myself slipping.

10

I think this is best.

9

My parents will probably rejoice.

8

Rose would be devastated.

7

Hudson will be fine though, he was fine after his parents and I'm pretty sure they meant more to him than me.