Enigmatic ✔

21|Backseat Conversations

Stella

I was in the car driving to school with my mother, the only sound in the car was faint music from the radio. I guess we were both consumed with our thoughts.

I really missed Rose. I needed to go and visit her soon, or I fear I'll go crazy in the house with my parents alone. I really needed to see her.

My mother and I arrived at school and went our separate ways. I guess she was still upset that I missed a day from school because I was sick. I really wished she would stop being upset with me.

"Stella" I hear a voice behind me, I don't turn around as I don't want to face who is calling me. He's probably upset with me too plus my mother could still be around.

But Hudson is in front of me before I have the chance to escape. I hope he doesn't hate me. Because that's how I feel, like everybody hates me, this is the lowest I've ever been my life, I don't understand why my parents are treating me this way and I don't know how to react to it.

They are blaming me for a sickness I had no control over, blaming me for doing the right thing with Hudson, pressuring me to get good grades, go to school, behave a certain way, be perfect! That's what they expect perfection and that's something I can't give them. Can't they just accept who I am-that this is me?

I couldn't really say that as a matter of fact because they haven't even given me the chance to find myself anyway.

Who am I? What do I really love? What drives me? What inspires me? I have no clue.

"Stella" Hudson says a bit softer, I have been standing here for quite a while with my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, about last night" I finally say beginning to walk away, I really just didn't want to talk to anybody, I know it was probably rude but I needed to breath for a second.

"Stella" Hudson says again and I stop in my tracks, turning around, instead of talking he walks up to me and gives me a well needed hug, if we weren't at school, I swear, I would've broken down right there in his arms. Sometimes it really felt like Hudson and Rose were all I had, the thoughts make my eyes water and the tears run down my face. I really didn't want to let Hudson go, his hug felt so comforting, I've never had a hug like this before.

One where I felt safe and protected. I could stay here for a very long time or at least until this feeling passed.
My head rests on his shoulder and his hands rest on my back.

"I understand" He whispers.

And even more tears run down my face, that's all I've needed these past few days. Understanding. I grip onto him even tighter as I silently sob.

"Come here" He says and we walk to his car getting in the back seat, "Talk to me, Stella" He voices.

I hesitate before I begin expressing how I've been feeling after alot of crying I finally got through it. I feel slightly better as I talk.

"....I mean they haven't even once asked me if I feel better since I came out of the hospital, Hudson I don't want to live like this anymore....I can't even believe that I used to.."

"It will be okay, Stella, and I'm not just saying that for the purpose of saying it, we all sometimes find ourselves broken, true strength is found in picking up the pieces, you just have to stay strong, all you need to do is start over and find yourself, find the life you want, it'll get better trust me, I mean when your down there's no where to go but up"

I look at him wondering what motivational book he and Rose swallowed.

"Thank You, Hudson" I say to him.

"Anytime" He replies. "So should you be rushing to your class now?"

"I don't have a class until after lunch" I say to him. "So we can stay like this for a while"

He pulls me closer to him and I lay on his chest while his back is against the car door and I entwin our fingers. But something is still troubling me, "Hudson, who was that girl from yesterday? You and her seemed very close"

Hudson looks at me, "We're just friends Stella" He replies.

"We are also just friends Hudson, but we do other things"

"That her and I don't do" He says. "Don't worry about it"

"But I do worry about it" I tell him, honestly. I don't want him to think he's obligated to me or something, but he really kind of is, I'm trusting him with my secrets and most importantly my body, but we never really put a label on our relationship and it really would kill me to know he's doing other things with someone else.

"How can I appease your mind then?" He tells me.

"I don't even know" I say.

"Then why can't you take my word for it?" Hudson asks.

"Do you pomise?" I question, sitting up.

"I promise" He says.

"Pinky promise" I tell him sticking out my pinky.

He takes it with his, "Pinky promise" He repeats. He uses my pinky to pull me closer to him placing his lips on mine. I open my mouth so his tongue has entrance. I can taste the mint.

He pulls away way too quickly for my liking, "Your the only person I want to do that with, Stella" He speaks. I smile, something I haven't done in a long while before resting my head back on his chest.

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