Enigmatic ✔

31|Jealousy

Stella

I didn't sleep last night. I thought I would be better off alone but that had only made me spend the whole night thinking about what happened and it gave me a headache and don't think I could function well today at school.

I had gotten to school early so I wouldn't have to be in the rush to get to class and I was still afraid that Asher would grab me from somewhere. I pray he understood the message that Hudson sent.

I sit on one of the stools staring outside, I haven't talked to Hudson since last night and through the window I see him talking to Lucas, he was smiling, unlike when he was with me, I told you I had like I was causing alot of problems in his life, something I promised myself I wouldn't do when we got together.

I pull the sleeve of my sweater down, my paranoid attempt to hide the bruises on my wrist. I look back over to Hudson and Lucas and Lucas walks off as Amelia walks towards Hudson, they talk for a while until the bell rings and she hugs him before they both walk to the class they have now, which was this one.

A body sits beside me and I flinch, "Relax, it's just me" Issac says, "Are you okay? I saw you this morning, you seemed...not okay, I guess" He smiles.

"I'm fine Issac" I say.

"Then why are you crying?" Issac questions.

I wipe my eyes, how could I not realize, I was crying in public, how could I be crying in public, this was unlike me?

"Something was in my eye" I try to smile.

"Okay" He says obviously not believing my lie.

"Ah Hudson" Issac says looking through the window also. "Woah didn't know he and Amelia were a thing now...I had the biggest crush on Hudson in the 8th grade...Gosh he really is hot"

Issac comments. This is one of the reasoms why I wanted to go public with Hudson. To avoid situations like this.

I don't reply to Issac as Hudson and Amelia walk into class laughing about something.

"That's my cue" Issac says getting up out of Hudson's seat.

I look down at my sweater as Hudson takes his seat beside me.

"How are you feeling today?" He questions taking his book from his school bag.

"I'm okay" I answer looking back out the window. I don't want to make eye contact with Hudson. I feel like I'm hurting him. He looked so happy just now when he was with Lucas and Amelia and then he's walked into the class and his mood suddenly changes, am I burden to him? Does he want to leave me and if he does, is it for Amelia?

"Stella I-"

"Hudson please..I-I don't want to..just leave it please"

He nods and I see the teacher walk into the class. Knowing that Hudson wasn't the one at fault because I was the one pushing him away.
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I decided on skipping lunch today. I went to the library instead not to read but for some peace and quiet. Hudson skipped lunch too so he could come to the library with me. It made me feel better that Hudson would rather spend time with me than with Amelia.

"Hudson, you need to go eat" I tell him once we're seated.

"I'm not hugry" He tells me. "I would rather spend time with my girlfriend"

I look at him. That sounded really good.

Hudson reaches for my hand, "Stella, I know you feel like you're alone in this, but your not, I'm here, okay? I am"

"I told you I'd continue you to bring you happiness, Hudson-"

"You have been bringing me happiness, Stella, you need to stop thinking so hard on this, okay?" He smiles.

I nod. Am I worried over Amelia for nothing?

I though the the answer to that would be no until Hudson says, "Stella, I um..I actually have something to tell you"

I pull my hand from his as I wait for him to continue. He shoots me a confusing look as he reaches for my hand again but I move it evrn further away from him.

"Stella w-"

"What do you have to tell me Hudson?" I say to him.

Hudson looks really hurt right now, why do I continue hurting the person I care so much about, the person I would do so much for?

"What do you think I need to tell you Stella?"

"Honestly" I start, "This is either the point you break up with me or you tell me you're involved with Amelia-I mean did you sleep with her?"

"Stella" Hudson's voice is a bit higher than before."I can't even see the reason behind those thoughts-"

"You can't Hudson? You have been very close to her all of a sudden, you've never even mentioned her before and now your suddenly besties, have I become such s bore that you no longer want to spend time with me-"

"Maybe you feel like that because you keep pushing me away Stella and why the hell would I want to break up with you to be with Amelia, Stella come on, you really think I would leave you, especially in this state-"

"Honestly Hudson, yes I do, nothing surprises me these days" I wipe the tears that have escaped my eyes. I hate that I cry so much these days, especially in public, it's like all the emotions my parents haven't allowed me to face are rushing through me in full speed.

"Look, you can verbally push everybody else away Stella, but not me, I'm not going anywhere, I won't cheat on you, I can't even begin to think of Amelia in that way, the only thing I wanted to tell you was that I informed Henry about us. I won't run when things get hard for us Stella, I'm willing to fight right along side you, but if you aren't going to fight with me, then..how can I?"

Hudson finishes but as he gets ready to leave, I hold his his hand to stop him from walking out the library.

I get up and I wrap my arms around his torso, "I'm sorry" I apologize.

"It's okay" He says hugging me back. "I understand that you are all over the place"

"Why do you continue to put up with me?" I ask.

Hudson laughs as he hugs me even tighter, "If I begin to answer that question Stella I'm afraid I won't be able to stop"

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