It's just a crush (student/teacher)

Chapter 15*

"Your time is up." I say calmly.

"Lynn please. "

"I will think about it but you have to go now. My parents could be back home any minute."

"Fine. I love you." He says and comes closer. When he was about to kiss my forehead, I take a step back and shake my head.

He nods sadly and leaves.

When he closes the door behind him I side down to the floor and start crying.

Why does it have to be so complicated?! And I thought that stuff like that would just happen with boys my age, but seems to be a problem with all men. I feel so stupid and naive.

But he said he loves me.. It was the first time he ever said it and under that circumstances I can't even be happy about it. All I think about is how important he is to me and how I want him to be happy and seeing him with Ms Jones together reminded me of our age gap and how we could never go on a date like that until I finish school. He should be with someone his age and he shouldn't risk everything for me! His job, his friendship with my parents and he could go to jail for goodness sake! How can love be illegal?! I don't understand it. And again, was it naive for me to believe or still believe in our relationship, even with all those cirmustances against us?

Somehow I can understand why he went out with Ms. Jones. It still hurts though.

And I understand his jealousy towards Matt now, because I feel the same way towards her. So that feeling of knowing that nothing happened, but being still being angry and sad about it, is called jealousy? I don't want to feel that. But I can't help it. I should go to bed. I don't want my parents to see me like this.

I take a shower and lay down in my bed, when my door suddenly opens.

"Hey Sweetie. Everything's fine? " My Mom whispers.

"Yes. How was your date?"

"Good. I'll let you sleep now. Love you."

"Love you too."

And luckily I fall asleep, sooner than I thought I would.

****

"Lynn, please stay behind." Christian says after his lesson, when Julia and I pass him. I tell her that there is no need to wait for me and I sit back down at a desk. When everyone left he sits down at the table in front of me.

"How are you?" He asks.

"Ahm ok, I guess. You?"

"Not so good. Did you think about it?"

"Yeah. I believe you but just I don't think our relationship will work out. You should be with someone your age." I stand up and leave.

He calls my name multiple times but I don't care. I need to go. I can't stand his sad face without wanting to hug or kiss him. I didn't plan to break up, it just overcame me. I'm so surprised that those words came over my lips. I was thinking so much about us and if our relationship has a future and I couldn't really come to any other solution than splitting up. Even though it hurts so much and I would love to have him in my life, there is just too much that's holding up against us and its not fair for me to hold him back and risk his job and reputation for some stupid teenager. I just didn't expect myself to go through with breaking up with him. I know it's the right thing to do even if it feels so wrong.

I walk home, instead of taking the bus, with tears in my eyes. I let them roll. I don't care anymore. When I'm at home I just shout a "Hello" to my Mom, who is in the living room and start running up in my room.