I wish I felt the same.. \\•Fitz x Swaggersouls•//

Chapter 8

WARNING: SELF HARM!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️

~ERICS POV~
The morning that followed the club, I was a complete mess. I could barely walk and I felt like shit.

I had no memory of the night before and I wasn't too sure why Cameron wouldn't talk to me. All he did was stay in his room for most of the day. The only time he came out was to get food, drinks, and grab his wallet.

I tried asking the others what had happened but none of them would tell me anything, which really pissed me off.

I was in the living room with Mason, Jay, and Toby, watching TV. The silence was making me go insane and eventually, I had to break it before I lost my mind.

"Are any of y'all hungry?" I asked, taking a sip of my water bottle. Toby looked towards me, his smile fading away, causing me to huff. "I could eat, if you're paying." Mason said as he stretched his arms around Jay. I rolled my eyes and rubbed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger together. "I'm not too liquid right now, sorry, you gotta pay for yourself."

Mason chuckled and let out a breath. "You're on your own then, Mate." He said and turned his head back to the television.

I grumble some words under my breath and stand up. "I'm...gonna go up to my room. I'll order Uber eats, call me when it's here." I say as I begin walking to the base of the stairs. Jay nods and shoots me a thumbs up.

I make my way of the stairs, the floors creaking slightly. I pulled out my phone and opened up the under eats app to order my food.

I was looking down at the screen while I walked to my room so I didn't notice Cameron coming out of his room, a blanket wrapped around his body.

I slammed into him and stumbled backwards. "Oh-..sorry man, I didn't mean to d-... Hey what's going on?" I asked with a caring tone.

He turned away from me and looked down. "I'm...I'm alright man. Don't worry." I tilted my head and hummed softly. "Cameron, you can tell me you know..."

He shook his head and but his lip. I could also tell his cheeks were a bright shade of red. "I'm fine, really, you don't have to worry.." He flocked his wrist at me and turned back to his room. "O-oh...okay...just come to me if you need anything." I smiled slightly and he huffed.

He shut his bedroom door after walking into it, leaving my in the hallway alone. "What's his deal...?" I shrugged it off and went into my room, shutting and locking the door behind me.

~CAMS POV~
After the interaction with Eric, I couldn't stop crying. I sobbed so loud into my pillow that I'm not too sure how the guys didn't hear me.

I didn't know what my problem was but I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control the emotions that took over me.

He doesn't remember last night
He doesn't remember
I should be happy about this

But I wasn't. I wasn't happy. A part of me wanted him to remember but another part of me didn't.

I sat up and held my head in my hands, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. Without seeing myself in a mirror, I already knew I was a hot mess. My cheeks were bright red, stained with tears and my lips were swollen.

I couldn't let myself do this. I had to get up. Do something.

I stood up from my bed and made my way into the bathroom that my bedroom had. I looked myself over in the mirror. I did, indeed, look like a hot mess. I shut my eyes and rested my hands on the sinks counter, catching my breath.

I can't tell him.
But I have to.

Another small sob escaped my lips and I clenched my teeth together. I frantically pulled open a drawer that was built into the sink and I pulled out my razor.

The blade trembled in my hands and I bit my lip hard, drawing blood into my mouth. I took a deep breath and placed the cold piece of metal against my forearm.

I pressed down harder, slicing through the skin. I cried out and threw the blade down into the sink. Drops of blood fell from my arm and I just stared at it, not knowing how to react.

The stinging pain coming from my arm eventually went numb but it continued to bleed rapidly. The bloodied blade sat there on the sink, glinting in the light.

I picked it up once more and placed it on my arm, beside the previous cut I made. I pressed down and slid it down my arm, creating a bigger cut. I hissed sharply through my teeth and set the blade down again, refusing to look at it.

I grabbed some napkins and placed them on the cuts, applying pressure. Fresh tears stung my eyes, threatening to fall. I swallowed, struggling to stand up straight without swaying back and forth. I eventually had to sit down on the toilet so I didn't pass out.

The bleeding slowed down and I grabbed two bandaids from my first aid kit and placed them on the cuts after washing them off.

I deserved this.
I deserve more than this.

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~A/N~
My poor boi, he's so sad 🥺, well I hope y'all enjoyed this, I know it's kinda different from what I usually do but I thought I'd shake things up a bit!
-Emily 💗👋