Weekends

41- Burden and Breakdowns- B

I was finally released from the hospital. This meant that I could sleep next to Dallon again and not have to worry about nurses waking me up in the middle of the night to make sure that I'm still breathing. I knew this also meant that I'd have to go back to school, but god, I couldn't wait to live with Dallon. He was my whole world. His family took me in and treated me like I was their own, and I felt at home when I was with them.

I decided to call an Uber to get to Dallon's house because he had already done so much for me. I didn't need him to go out of his way to pick me up. I knew that he'd say he doesn't mind, but I knew that he was doing a lot for me. I didn't want to be a burden to him. I already sort of felt like I was burdening him and his family because they were letting me stay with them, so it felt nice to be independent and find my own ride to get to Dallon's.

Brendon 🌻: hey, I'm on my way
Dallon 🎨: can't wait
Dallon 🎨: I miss you, flower
Brendon 🌻: it's been less than 24 hours
Brendon 🌻: but I miss you too
Dallon 🎨: I'll see you soon
Brendon 🌻: I love you
Dallon 🎨: Love you too, b

I got in the Uber and leaned my head against the window. I know that I probably looked horrible with all of my bruises and bandages, so I wanted to minimize how much the driver saw of me. She seemed nice, but I still got anxious when talking to strangers, and the whole situation with my dad was definitely making that worse. I kept thinking I'd see his crappy light blue truck driving next to the Uber. I thought I'd seen him glaring through the window with a smug grin that said he'd found me. Luckily, my eyes were deceiving me.

By the time I'd gotten to Dallon's house, it was dusk. I was tired, but I was still super excited to see Dallon and hug him as tight as I could without hurting myself. I quietly thanked the driver and rated her on the app before she drove off. It made me laugh a bit because I felt like I was in that one episode of Black Mirror.

I walked up to Dallon's front porch and raised my hand to knock but stopped when I heard a voice coming from the other side of the door. It sounded like Dallon, and I assumed the other one was on the phone. I listened closely and heard Dallon speaking.

"No I don't fucking like him! Are you shitting me? As soon as he leaves, I'll be fucking great... I'm seeing him soon... Yeah, I'll let you know..." I wondered who in the world he could be talking about, but then my brain caught up with me.

It's me.

It was no wonder Dallon was done with me. I was annoying and a burden to him. "He's the biggest waste of space ever. He's so oblivious to how I feel. I've been pretending for so long, Spence. I know it'll be weird seeing him at school and all, but I can't stand it anymore." My heart beat was picking up and tears were streaming down my face as I heard more of the horrible things that were spewing from my boyfriend's mouth to the ear on the other side of the phone. I covered my mouth and felt all of the breath leave my lungs.

"He's too much of an annoying problem to deal with... I think someone's at the door. Gotta go, I think it's Brendon... Yep... I will... Bye." Dallon hung up the call and I could hear his footsteps approaching the door. My hand was clamped over my mouth, and I felt sick.

Where am I going to stay? Who am I going to sit with at lunch? How will I get my stuff back?

I started choking on my tears, gagging and eventually working myself up until I started throwing up in the bushes.

Dallon doesn't love me. Dallon never loved me.

The door opened as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the side of Weekes family's garden. "Bren-" Dallon started, but I couldn't bear to look at him. I took off running down the street, tears blurring my vision. "Brendon, stop running! What's wrong," Dallon yelled, as he took off running behind me on the sidewalk.

I just want to go to sleep. I just want someone to love me.

I kept running as fast as I could, ignoring Dallon running after me, until he caught up to me and tackled me into the grass several blocks away. "What the hell is wrong with you, Brendon? What the fuck are you doing," he shouted breathlessly. He had my sobbing body pinned to the ground as I tried to wiggle out of his grasp. "Fucking stop it, brendon! Calm the fuck down, right now," he yelled, tears gathering in his eyes.

See he's even yelling at you. You're crying like a stupid baby. It's no wonder he wants you gone.

I only cried harder, picking my head up off the grass and slamming it back down to the ground. Dallon looked at me with such horror in his eyes as I did this. He pulled me up by my shoulders and held me against his chest. I tried to push away from him, but he wrapped his arms around me tighter and shushed me comfortingly. I stopped struggling and collapsed onto him, gripping his shirt through my tears. "What are you doing, sunflower? You're fucking scaring the shit out of me," he asked me. He was out of breath and had broken a sweat. I looked into his eyes and saw the panic behind them.

"I-I'm o-o-obli-ivious t-t-to how you-you f-f-feel a-and-and you d-don-don't l-l-love m-me a-anym-mo-ore," I stumbled out. This caused Dallon to let out a sob and bury his face in my hair, holding me close. "Shit, Brendon, you know that's not true. I love you so fucking much. What made you think that I felt amy different," he asked incredulously. "Y-you and Sp-ence on the-the ph-phone. You s-said-" I told him. "Baby, that was about Ryker. Basically, I'm going to tell him to fuck off. I would never ever say those things about you," he promised.

"B-but I-I-I'm weak, a-and m-my-my dad- my dad h-hits m-m-me and-and I-I deserve i-i-it," I cried to him. "No, honey, you will never deserve that. I'm so sorry," he spoke softly. I felt like my chest was going to collapse after having run several blocks while crying. "Let's go back to my house, B. We can cuddle and watch movies if you want. I can even make us cinnamon rolls," he offered. "Y-y-you d-don't ne-ed to do th-th-that, D," I stuttered. "Bren, I want to do whatever makes you happy because I love you," he told me. "I-I-I love y-you, D," I cried in to his chest and let him hold me, so I wouldn't fall apart.