Weekends

11- Messages and Melancholy- B

Dallon and I had grown pretty close in the past week. He'd be standing by my locker when I got to school in the mornings, and we'd walk to class together. I'd sit by him at lunch, and he'd smile at me while I unintentionally stared at him. In chemistry class, I almost tripped over my own backpack when getting up to turn in a paper because I was so focused on him.

Today, however, I hadn't seen him at all, and it was already lunch time. He usually messaged me in the mornings to tell me when he'd get to school, but I hadn't heard from him at all. I even tried deleting and redownloading Skype to see if my app was glitching. It wasn't. This lack of information left me a little concerned, so I decided to message him just to be sure that he was okay.

Precious_brenny_boy12: Hey, where are you?

Delivered

He usually responded to my messages immediately. Would I be left by myself in chemistry, a class full of bullies? Who would tell me to have a swell day when we parted ways after school? Who would help me unlock my locker because the top half usually got stuck shut and didn't work? Jack was too short to be of any help there. Maybe he didn't hear his phone go off. Maybe he slept through his alarm. Maybe he had a doctors appointment. Maybe he hated me.

Precious_brenny_boy12: Are you going to be in chem today?

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I hope you're okay

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I miss you

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: That was weird

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I shouldn't have said that

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I'm sorry

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I know that we don't know each other very well yet, but could you please respond?

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: Not knowing where you are and if you're okay is making me sort of anxious

Delivered

Precious_brenny_boy12: I'm sorry for sending you so many messages. I'm just really worried about you

Delivered

Him not answering my messages or even reading them made me feel even worse. I couldn't handle him not liking me. I had grown closer to him than I have to anyone since I went mute. Dallon was quickly becoming my whole world, and I was absolutely terrified.

Anytime I closed my eyes, even just blinking, I saw his smile. Anytime there was silence, I heard his laugh. Anytime I felt alone, I felt the ghost of his hand on my arm. I was so confused. Why couldn't I just sort this out? This was too complicated. Dallon was worth everything good in the world and then some, and I couldn't get him out of my mind. It was beyond upsetting to even entertain the idea of someone so incredible hating me. I just wanted to know what he was feeling.

"Brendon, are you okay," I hear Jack ask as he walked up to me. I nodded. We kept a slight dialogue for a few minutes, but it was quickly interrupted. "Are you sure you're alright? You're crying," Jack finally asked. I put my hand up to my face. I was crying. I shrugged. "Brendon, you know that you can tell me anything, right?" I shrugged again, avoiding eye contact with him. "What's wrong with you? Why do you look so sad?" I couldn't handle all of the questions, so I ran off to the bathroom, leaving Jack confused.

The moment I entered the bathroom, I ran into the very last stall (the handicap stall). I quickly locked it and slid down the wall, sobbing audibly. I just wanted to be able to think straight and understand what was going on with Dallon.

I found myself thinking back to the weeks leading up to me meeting him. I was so alone. Everyday when I'd wake up, I would think of how little I'd care if it was my last. Sure, I had Jack, but he didn't show any interest in hanging out with me or becoming close to me. I was so unhappy, but then Dallon came into my life and flipped my life upside down. He showed me what it felt like to have someone care. He showed me how to smile and laugh. I felt better about myself because of him. I didn't want to go back to how I was before.

I looked forward to going to school now. While it was still horrible and terrifying, at least I got to see Dallon. I was in a daze like state as I walked through the halls. My vision would tunnel out when he'd be in my sight. My ears felt like they were filling with water anytime he'd talk to me. It didn't even matter anymore that Steve could be around any corner, waiting to belittle me because I knew that Dallon would hug me through any pain that the bullies caused, and even if he didn't, I knew that just seeing him would temporarily numb all of my pain except for my heartache.

He was just so nice to me and made me feel like I mattered. I didn't want to be lead on by kindness, but that's exactly what had happened. He'd shown me a little kindness, and I was now in a bathroom crying because I possibly had a crush on him. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned my head against the wall, trying to blink back my falling tears. I tried to blow out my breath as an attempt to calm my shaky breathing, but all I was met with was the familiar sound of my own crying. In an effort to resolve my worries about Dallon, I sent him another message.

Brenny_boy12: I'm sorry if I did anything

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