Room To Breath

chapter eighteen

Oli's pov

The car ride is silent and it feels like I'm a kid who just got in trouble. I haven't felt like this since..? I was a young kid?  As I watch trees and scenery pass by I get an idea. In the lane beside me has cars driving the same direction as us. If I jump out I will be ran over immediately.

"Thanks for trying," I say as I put down the nutella.

"Why does it sound like-"

I then pull the door handle and push. Time to end this. He cant save me- the doors locked. I try to unlock it but the lock is sucked into the door... child lock..

"No more of that, sit. We are almost to my house," he says and I glare at him but he's watching the road. His hair is stuck up with hairspray or gel. He's also wearing red eyeshadow and winged eyeliner.

I sigh and sit back down and close my tired eyes, I need sleep so bad but my brain just cant do it. Once he pulls up to a house I open my eyes lazily and look around. He's looking at me not making a move to unlock my door.

"Who are you and why did I just pull you down from a ledge?" He says and I roll my eyes.

"Oli and because your a idiot," I say and  he sighs.

"Oli.. that's cute, but why were you about to jump?" He says and I see he's not going to let me out until I talk.

"Because I hate my life. The end. I want to end it," I scoff and he gives me a sad smile before getting out and opening my door. He grabs my jacket like he's making sure I dont run into the road. We go into his nice warm home and I shove my hands in my deep pockets.

I feel something making me feel better. I have xanax, I forgot I put them in my pocket. I have two with me right now. "Water?" I ask and he nods.

"Sure just go sit on the couch and dont do anything stupid," he says letting go and going to the kitchen. I pull out the pills and hide them in the palm of my hand.

"Bottle or cup?"

"Doesn't matter," I reply and he comes back in handing me a bottle of water. I open it and drink some. When he goes to sit next to me I slip the pills in my mouth and swallow them.

I can't deal with this sadness. I'll rather be numb than in pain. "I'm Remington, you can call me Rem," he says and I drink down half the water. I don't think I've drank anything for the last few days.

"You know you shouldn't have saved me right? I didn't ask for it, I didn't want it," I say and he frowns. He crosses his legs and faces me.

"I don't think you understand how much you're ready to give up. Look, I don't know you but you are attractive and you're wearing nice shoe and clothes meaning you're not poor. I picked you up five minutes away from college so you probably go there. You have a lot, why are you sad?" He says and I run my hand through my hair.

My mind is starting to cloud with the numb feeling. My head spins and I have to rethink about the question. Why am I sad?

Lazily I pull my feet up and look at him. He's really nice looking. Could he help me forget my suicide thoughts?

"Have you ever kissed a guy?" I ask and he blushes.

"Y-yeah but your sad, I want to talk about that," he says and I smirk.

"Well, cheer me up," I say grabbing his face and kissing him. He pauses for a moment and then starts kissing back. I push him onto the couch and put my body against his.

"You're vulnerable," he says pulling away a little. My head is in a daze and I cant really think. Am I vulnerable? Yeah.. I probably am. Do I care? No.

"I'm suicidal, that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy sex," I say but it comes out more of a mumble. I slide my hands up his shirt and plant my lips on his.

Shirts are off.

How did that happen?

Lips moving in synch..

Is my brain even processing this? What's his name again? He stokes me and I let out a low moan. When did his hand get in my pants?

My body goes into autopilot searching for one thing.

Pleasure.

Oops

Thoughts  on Remington?