Room To Breath

59

Wow this is a long book ;-; I thought about making a second book but Nah, this is just going to be a super long story. Each chapter is 900-1500 words so this is around  59000 words so far...  is my math right? Oops.. 😳

Oliver's pov

I sit on Fish's couch and he smiles and grab his clipboard and faces me instead of his phone. He turns it off before putting it in his pocket. "How are you?" He starts off by asking.

"Today has been surprisingly good. Um.." I stop. I havent told him about Andy or how I've been raped. I've talked to him a lot but I have so much on my shoulder's he hasn't even heard a quart of the stuff that bothers me.

When I talk about stuff that hurts me it hurts but a few hours later I feel relieved that it's not such a secret. I halfway hate that I'm opening up, that I'm weak for this but another part of me is happy I'm getting help. "Why has it been better than the other days where you answered with 'shitty' for this question?" He asks and I bite my bottom lip.

I want to tell him about what happened but I dont.. Fuck, he's my therapist I should. "So um.. Andy, he's here," i say and he nods seeming happy but not in a creepy way.

"Who is Andy to you? I thought you liked Josh?" He says and I run my hand through my hair.

"Andy was my friend but uh.. something happened but today I forgave him.. so today I got some.. relief," in both ways. But I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to have a sexual relationship with works so I wont tell him about what me and josh did.

"Could you tell me about what happened?" He asks and I nod a little. I hate this feeling I'm getting. I feel like I'm going to cry. Crying is weak.

"H-he-" I clear my throat and sit up straighter. "I was on a lot of stuff and couldn't really move.. and he.. r- we had sex.. but.. I uh didn't want it," I say and look at my feet.

"Why did you forgive him if he hurt you like that?" He asks.

"He was drugged and I know Andy.. he wouldn't hurt me like that on purpose. I've been through worse and it just doesn't matter anymore. He didn't mean to and he obviously feels bad about it.. so.. its forgiven," I say and he smiles a little.

"That's good, do you see yourself hanging out with him now?" He asks and I shake my head no.

"Not really.. I do forgive him but we never hung out much and I don't see that changing," I say and he nods. I dont hate him or even dislike him but I dont exactly have the best memories with him.

"That's reasonable, is there anything you want to talk about? You only have two more days before you get out," he says and I shrug a little. I do but I know I'll end up crying..

"Maybe.. um.." I stop and try to calm myself. I nod and my leg starts bouncing.

"J-Josh brought it up so it's been on my mind," I say and feel my anxiety bounce off my nerves. He nods and waits for me to talk. I let out a breath and feel under my face tingle.

"My first time.. um.. it was when I was 14.." I start and feel choked up. I run my hand through my hair again and look around. Is he going to laugh at me if I cry? I clear my throat again and try to continue. "Somebody I k-knew B-because it was my friends brother invited me to drink with him.. um. So I did.. I wanted to finally drink? Ya know?" I say feeling embarrassed and hurt. He nods and listens carefully.

He doesn't look like he's about to laugh at me. I wipe my face because tears are trying to fall. "He um, after I got drunk.. he f-forced himself on me and I woke up the next morning and... yeah.. I left," I say and put my hands on my face and cry.

He pushes tissues to me and I use some.  "Did you ever press charges?" He asks and I shake my hand.

"He was.. 28 and.. I was 14.. I was, am, ashamed of it. I dont want to go to court and.. yeah.. its over," I say and he writes stuff down.

"What was his name?" He asks.

"Joel Faviere.. but I'm not going to press charges. This stays in between u-us," I say and he looks sad.

"Okay.. let's talk more about you drug problem. Did it start because of what happened?" He asks.

"N-no, I might have been a stepping stone but I feel like my brain isn't wired for this world," I say wiping my face more and clearing my throat. I hate crying.

We talk about possible reasons and things and he then says I might have ADHD so he gives me a few tests. Apparently tomorrow he'll prescribe me medication for it and hopefully I won't feel so anxious and be able to concentrate more..

I hope all this therapy and shit is helping me. I feel like it is but I dont know. What if it comes and bites me in the ass?

Thoughts?

Poor oli..

Observations?

What do you think about oli not wanting to go to court?