Room To Breath

49

Oli's pov

After I escape from Awsten's talking I start walking around the place so I dont get lost later. After turning a corner I see a bathroom, I don't have to go but I want to see if its clean or if I'll be avoiding it.

When I walk in I hear crying. This is a time I'd walk away but it sounds.. like josh? I look under the stall and see the light pink converse. Why is josh cry- matty. Oh my god I'm going to beat the shit out of him.

Right after I check on josh.

I go over to the stall and he tries to be quiet when he sees my feet. "Open up," I say and he takes a shakey breath. He hiccups a little and sniffles.

"N-no, i-im o-ok-ay," he says struggling to speak.

"I'll literally craw under the stall a get in if you dont let me in," I say and he unlocks it and opens the door. His face is full of tears and his cheeks are blotchy with red. He looks really upset and it hurts my heart and soul to see him so upset.

I step in and hug him. "I'll kill him in a minute, but after I help you," I mumble and he hugs back softly. He's trying to force himself to stop crying but that just makes it to were he's quite for a moment and then chokes on a sob.

"M-matty? No, h-he didn't u-upset me," he says. His body is shaking in my arms making me hug him tighter.

"Dont protect him, he shouldn't have hurt you," I say and he cries more.

"M-mattys girlfriend killed h-herself and and she was my friend a long t-time ago," he cries. Oh... Matty didn't hurt him.. As we fall into silence- mostly silence, I squeeze josh and kiss his temple.

I think I'm getting really emotional attached to him.. I think I like him.. like like him..  Its scary, but I its.. interesting. I like constantly thinking about him instead of my horrible life and bad feelings.

"I know.. I know how that feels more than you think," I mumble and hold him. I plan on hugging him until he gets annoyed at me. He tries to relax against me but he's still trembling.

After a long time of comforting him he ends up calmer. He moves his hands from hugging my torso to around my neck I grab the backs of his thighs and pick him up. He koalas onto me and I kiss his teary face since he's now eye level with me.

He has a slight pout on his face. "Can we go to your room?" He asks and gives me teary puppy dog eyes.

"Of course baby," I tell him and he puts his face in my shoulder. I then walk out of the bathroom and carry him back to the room. On the way a few people look at us weird but I ignore it. When we are in the room I set him down but he doesn't let go. I blush and wrap my arms around him.

"I'm sad," he mumbles and I rub his back. I dont know what to say. Nobody has ever been so open about theres feelings like this around me.

I dont like him being sad. "How do I fix it?" I ask and he giggles.

"Silly, you can't. I'm just going to be sad for a little while, just stay with me," he says and pulls away to give me a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"Dont you want to be happy?" I say very confused.

"Oli, you dont have to try so hard to be happy. Everyone gets sad it's okay to embrace it. I'm not depressed, I'll get over it in a little while. I already knew she died a few months ago.. that's why I quit working here so I could just concentrate on my school.. I'm just a bit sad because I talked about it with matty," he tells me and I realize how smart he is.

He's not scared to be sad..

"Why did you.. talk about it.. all it did was make you sad?" I ask feeling confused. I've never talked about the things that made me sad. I dont want to cry because of it.

"It helps in the long run.. If I never talked about the sadness in my life I would be consumed by it and fall into a depression but I dont want that. I want to be happy. So I work with what I have. When people cover up their sadness that's what leads them into a path of self destructive behaviors and a lot of unhealthy stuff," he says and we sit on the bed.

"So you think I'm here because...?" I mumble.

"Because your scared to get help. I dont know why but you seem to think guys shouldn't have emotions and this has lead to you creating a toxic way of thinking. I bet you think all guys should be manly and never cry," he says and I look away feeling guilty.

It's okay when he cries but I dont think I should.. "hm.. well.. let's not talk about this," I say and kiss his forehead. He lays down so I lay down too and spoon him. He's so lovely..

"Talk to your therapist about your problems, it helps," he mumbles and I kiss the back of his neck.

I might..

Thoughts?

Questions?

Is this going to slow?

Josh is?

Oli is?

Things you've noticed:?

Andy?