Going Home.

Chapter 10

I'm dreaming about swimming in the ocean when suddenly I hear a baby cry.  I look around the ocean and wonder who would leave a baby near the water. I head towards the crying, but I don't see anything.

It's then that I register that the baby crying is not part of my dream but is actually happening in really life.

I open my eyes as I raise up and look around the room where I realise that I am not in my room and that there is a crib over near the side wall.

My mind snaps back to when I dozed off and I realise that I am still in Rykers room. I look around for him but all I can hear is the shower running so I get out of the bed and quietly make my way over to the cot.

I see a small baby and he is getting quite distressed. I haven't really been around a lot of babies, just a few when we had long day shoots where it was easier for everyone to bring their kids but I know that it is all about trial and error.

I know that babies like dummies, so I first try putting his dummy back in his mouth but he spits it back out. I then think about what I could check that might upset a baby, so I check for a wet bottom but that feels dry.

Maybe his is hungry. I can't see a bottle near him so I give up and just pick him up and cradle him in my arms to go and see if I can find him a bottle in the kitchenette.

He stops. He starts to gurgle and I can't help by smile. I shuffle from side to side and he seems to enjoy it when I move around.

"You are one cute little man." I say to him in a soft voice. He raises his little hand and wraps it around my finger. I take in his eyes, realising that at such a young age, he has the same shine as Ryker gets when he is happy. I bounce around a little more and he lets out a little giggle. I see him yawn, so I pace around a little bit in hopes that maybe I can get him back to sleep. I start to sing a song that I remember my daddy used to sing to me to get me to go to sleep.

'Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.'

I turn and nearly drop him when I see Ryker leaning up on the bathroom door frame in nothing but a low slung towel.

"Sorry" I say "He was crying and I didn't know where you were."

"It's OK. You can hold him whenever you want. You know, you look like a natural at this." he says as he walks over to me and goes to look at Jae.

As he does this, he puts his hand on my waist am just holds me gently. I am still looking at Jae and don't realise that Ryker is looking at me.

"I think he is asleep, I'll put him back down." I say as I pull myself away from him.  I gently glide over to the cot and put him back down while pulling his blanket back over him. As I turn, Ryker is right behind me. He places his hands around my waist and places his forehead against mine.

"You know how good you looked just then." He says. He is rubbing my sides with his thumbs in a cirular motion while he looks me in the eyes.

I suck in a breath and say "Ryker, I, I can't do this right now. I'm not sure where I want to be with you at the moment and I don't think that I am in the best frame of mind to make a solid decision." I'm looking at the ground while I say this.

My mind is swimming with so many things. It is like my brain is sitting in the fence with my heart and they both don't want to make a decision.

"Then why have you not pulled away." he responds in a whisper. I look up into his eyes and see that he is looking at me like he is waiting for me to do something. I take in his lips, gosh how I have missed those lips, so round and plump. I look back at his eyes again and see that he is biding his time, waiting for me to make my next move, give him permission.

My heart is pounding now. It is like there is a devil and an angel on my shoulders telling me their opinions on what I should do at this moment. I suck in my bottom lip and lick my top lip while playing  out the options in my head.

I lean forward and I crash my lips into his. He takes no time in working out what is happening by moving his head to the side and using his tongue to lick my bottom lip to which I give him an opening and he takes it.

Our tongues slide together as we battle for dominance. He moves a hand up to the back of my head and pulls my head in closer to him. I feel his other hand snake up my shirt and just lightly wrap around the side of my rib cage as he slowly walks backwards taking me away from the cot.

"Wait!" I whisper shout as I pull myself away from him. "I can't. Do that. Not yet." I say in a lower voice so not to stir Jae.

I freak out in my head and duck away from him, grabbing my gear and head out the door. I am kicking myself at the fact that my feet have made their own decision. Thank goodness I had slept in my clothes or this would had been a very embarrassing walk of shame.

I get to the bottom level and see Ariel coming from a bottom room with a very disgruntled Blaze who is holding his nose like he is in pain.

"Ariel are you ok?" I call as I catch up to her.
"No, that jerk was in my room when I woke up. Xavier said that it was my room and that I didn't have to worry and when I woke up he was hovering over me." She said as he scoffed.

"I was sleeping in the bloody arm chair. I didn't want to just leave her in the room by herself. Xavier told me to keep an eye on her, so I slept in the chair. I was not 'hovering' over you. I was trying to work out if you were breathing. Damm woman, you are like the quietest sleeper. I could not tell if you were breathing or not" Blaze said as he looked down his shirt to see if she left a mark. "She bloody punched me in the nose." He shouted as he stormed off towards the bar.

"I just want to go home, do you want a lift?" Ariel asked.
"Oh god yes, please get us out of here." I replied as we headed to her car.  As we pull away, I relay to Ariel all that happened from when she left to go to the bathroom.