Sanders Supers [Sanders Sides AU]

Thirty One

The uneasy feeling in Patton's stomach hadn't eased. He was still scared for Logan. He knew that if Logan needed help, he would have called Thomas. But then again, Logan was angry at them. All of these questions ran through Patton's head.

What if Logan was already hurt? What if Deceit found Logan before they did?

Patton was too worried to wait for Logan to come back; he had to find Logan now.

Patton decided that if no one else would look for Logan, he would do it himself.

He had decided on looking in his room and lab to find some hints of where Logan might have gone.

Patton felt a little guilty about going through Logan's things, but if it helped find Logan, Patton would do it. Maybe he left his phone or something? It's a long shot, but just maybe.

Patton was desperate to find him, if only to make sure Logan wasn't hurt.

When he opened Logan's door, he was surprised that Logan's space would be so messy. Paper was strewn across the floor, pens invaded the desk, and crumpled up paper surrounded the waste basket, full of rejected theories and ideas. Patton knew Logan was concerned that Deceit would escape, but it looked like Logan was constantly stressed out for the past few days, his desk looking like a conspiracy theorist's work space rather than a scientist's.

Patton picked up the least crumpled sheet, and out of curiosity started to read. If it was too personal Patton decided to stop reading and forget he ever saw it. But all thoughts of privacy stopped when Patton saw his name written at the top of the paper.

Dear Patton,

It is extremely difficult for me to say this to you face to face. I can't express with words how much you mean to me. I know that the past few days were hard for both of us, but just know that I will always be there for you. I won't let anyone lay a hand on you or hurt you again. I promise.

I am no good talking to you when it comes to emotions. I have never really been good at talking about how I feel, but I needed to tell you this. I can't tell you how much I wanted to tell you this. I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same way but I am going to get over my fears today and not run away from the truth. Patton, I have feelings for you. When you smile, it makes my day. When you cry, it breaks my heart. I understand if you don't feel the same way. I'm not flamboyant, I'm not cool, but please know that I love you even in the days to come.

I sincerely apologize if my feelings have put a strain on our current relationship as acquaintances, possibly even friends, but I needed to write this, even if I never gave it to you.

Sincerely,

Logan Discite

Logan had left space between the last sentence and his signature, as if to write something else.

There were pen marks scrawled all over the paper, crossing out and adding words written in Logan's neat left handed lettering. Patton uncrumpled a nearby sheet of paper, and it started the same way: Dear Patton.

Patton read the note over and over again, not quite believing what he read. He didn't know how to react. What was he supposed to do? Should he pretend he never saw it? It looked like he should have never seen it, but the last sentence- what should he do?

It was next to the trash can for a reason. Maybe he's moved on. He really didn't think that Roman was right. Patton had believed that Roman was only saying that to get them together, but maybe Roman was telling the truth.

Patton read the note for what must have been the hundredth time, and felt tears slide down his face.

He had to find Logan- he had to, if only to apologize to Logan for not listening to him.

"I'm sorry, Lo," Patton whispered to himself in Logan's empty room. The other letters were all short, Logan having written only a few sentences before he had given up and crossed out his words with messy 'X's and balled up the paper.

Patton felt and odd sense of happiness- Logan had tried to write a letter to him, all to say that he liked him?

Patton sat down on the edge of Logan's neatly-made bed and stared at the letter again.

What should he say to Logan if- no, when Patton saw him again? Should he mention the note? Would it make things weird between the two of them if Patton mentioned it?

But Logan had said in the letter that was already afraid that his feelings would make Patton dislike him, but the truth was that Patton did reciprocate Logan's feelings back.

Before Patton could talk with Logan, he actually had to find him first. Where would Logan be, though? Logan would be trying to find Deceit, but where would Deceit be?

"Finding Nemo? More like Finding Logan," Patton laughed to himself, the joke not making him feel any better about the fight with Logan- well, he called it a fight, but it was more like Logan angrily lectured them about why they should have listened to him. He was right, of course. Patton should have listened, shouldn't have been so afraid, shouldn't have been so stupid- If Patton had been better, then maybe Logan wouldn't have run off.

Patton couldn't stop blaming himself for what Logan had done.

"I'm sorry, Logan." Patton whispered, knowing Logan couldn't hear him but wishing he could all the same.