Serendipity: The Amazing Journey Of A Soulmate

13. Introspection

NAMJOON's pov

I stop the car in the parking lot of the mall and send a short text to Jin letting him know that I arrived. I wait in silence, watching the night sky through the sunroof of the car. There are no clouds tonight and the stars are visible.The city lights conceal their shining, but they can still be seen, gazing back at us. Starry nights are giving me comfort, peace when my mind is troubled. Ella said today that the sky is a graveyard of stars. And she is right. I guess we both see it in a totally different light than the others. I personally don't see tragedy in it, but healing. An infinite dark sea of bright departed souls, guiding the lives of the ones left behind. I will always look at the night sky for hope. And then there is the Moon, my confidant. It looks beautifully shy tonight, in its crescent phase spreading a deep silver light over the world. "Annyeong, chingu!" Hello, friend!
"It's me, your cosmic child" I say it out loud, my voice foreign in the silence of the night. An image suddenly invades my mind. Dark hair fluttering in the wind, fair skin, face touched by moonlight and eyes, emerald flames burning fiercer than a torch. Burning me right to the core. Inna looked astral last night in that parking lot, observing the sky with so much longing in her eyes. As if that's where she belongs, and not in this world. Not with me.
"I think about her, chingu. Constantly. So much it's driving me crazy" I confess to the moon. The little chat I had with Jiwoo earlier haunts me. I don't like the guy and I definitely don't like the fact that he is interested in Inna. Everything he said...It bothers me a lot. But that bastard may be right.
"My heart is thirsty and she is like the drink that can end this drought, put in front of me, but being told I can't touch it unless I want it to be gone. What am I going to do? If I drink it, she'll disappear, being consumed by my world. If I let it be, my heart will dry in silent torture. What should I do?" I murmur with quiet despair.
Running my hands through my hair, I look at the moon and wait for an answer. I don't know for how long I've been staying like this, with my head bent on the headrest of my seat, when I'm brought back to reality by the sound of the passenger door being opened and Jin claiming the seat next to me.
"Sorry for being late. The lady in the store was too mesmerised by my worldwide handsomeness and couldn't focus on processing my payment" he says cheerfully. Usually I would've laughed at his remark, but I'm too uneasy to care. Jin watches me carefully, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "What's wrong with you? You seem distracted" he asks.
"I'm just tired" I lie, starting the engine and leaving the parking lot. "I know you too well, Namjoon. And I can tell when you're lying" Jin continues. Goddamnit. I can't hide anything from this guy. "Hyung..." I start, wanting to dismiss him. "Yah, are you worried about some stupid thing you read on the internet again?" Jin scolds me. He knows how much the criticism can upset us and drag us down. I wish that was the case, though and that I won't be so torn between keep going and letting go. I shake my head slowly, not taking my eyes off the road. I can't see Jin, but I know he is watching me.
"I'm just thinking" I say.
"Of?" Jin cuts in. "Of what we are and what we do and all these limitations we have." He knows what I'm trying to say even without elaborating on the subject. We've been having these conversations for years now.
"Namjoon-ah, the fame is a burden we all seven have to bear in exchange of pursuing our dreams. Nothing comes for free in this industry and that is our sacrifice." Jin says in a serious tone, but sadness creeping in.
"Just like Atlas, we carry such a heavy weight on our shoulders. But just how much can a man endure, anyway?" I ask not exactly expecting an answer.
"I want to be normal for once. To just be able to do the things I want and be with the people I want without turning them into a target. Am I being selfish, hyung?" I let it out, clenching my hands on the steering wheel and turning my head to face Jin. He just looks at me with softness in his eyes, slightly shaking his head in denial . No. You're not selfish. After seconds of silence that seem like hours, he finally speaks again.
" Is this about the girl from last night?" Jin asks, curiosity in his voice. He didn't get the chance to see Inna at the dorms, but he found out about the commotion from the other members who were present at the scene.
"Mhm" I mumble. "Do you want to talk about it?" he carefully asks.
"I'll just have to sort this thing out on my own" I say. "Alright. But don't torture yourself too much over this" Jin says gripping my shoulder in reassurance. "Thank you!" I reply.
From the corner of my eyes, I seem him shifting in his seat, resting his head on the window and scrolling through his phone. The rest of the trip home we spend it in utter silence and as soon as I get inside the house I head straight to my room, ignoring the others members and everything else around me.