Diary of a Mad Poet

losing my mind

Everything seemed fuzzy, like the world was disfigured and I couldn't pin point why. My head hurts, my body feels like its not mine. I shut my eyes trying to concentrate and figure out how to get the world to stop being so fuzzy. 'Click' that's all I hear before my head shoots up and my body starts trembling in a still position.

Electric chair. I remember.

The bolts kept burning me, inside out. It hurts so much that I almost can't feel it, almost as if I'm dreaming of the pain but I feel it. I can feel it all.

'Click' it all stops. But my shaking doesn't, I can still feel the electricity circuting through my veins. I inhale deeply before looking up.

"Why won't you show us your abilities huh?" Vee asks looking straight at me with agitation. All I can do is stare at her as she inhales deeply and speaks again. "My brother isn't here to help you, I made sure that he stays out of it until everything is done. Now I can inflict as much pain without holding back because of my dear brother." She smiles innocently at me.

I want to talk, ask her why she is doing this, why me?, ask her what they really wanted and most importantly why won't they just kill me, why torture me first?. But my throat felt as if it was burned to a crisp and her words just made me want to cry.

"You are weak" she spat with so much venom. "Fuck!! Firstly you are fat and I know how much you prefer to call yourself curvy just to boost that ego of yours, but let's face it you fat fuck!" She screams in my face as a slap lands on my right cheek and it stings badly. "You are just an ugly fat girl who nobody wants or notices" another slap lands on my right cheek. "I'm going to enjoy killing you slowly, You are definitely Gods biggest mistake" she says grabbing my chin roughly so I look at her before she lands a punch to me left cheek. The punch was so hard I can feel my gums bleed and blood fill my mouth.

Her words start to sink in slowly. My body is burning with pain. The copper taste in my mouth didn't bother me as much as her words. She called me 'Gods biggest mistake'. My grandmother used to say the same thing to me when I was 9 years old. And those words struck a nerve.

I have been teased and bullied but I stood up for myself until nobody bothered me, I worked on my body not for the people around me but for myself and to feel good. I love my ass and curves, I worked hard on my belly and it wasn't sagging or big, it was close to being flat. I don't care that she called me fat, its the fact that nobody noticed me. If I died right now they wouldn't remember well, excluding my best friend but other than her nobody knows I exist.

I get pulled out of my thoughts as I feel a hard punch on my nose and already know its broken. I look up with uninterested eyes to find my punisher. Alex.

He looked as if it pained him to hit me but then he struck me again in the stomach, again and again. I wanted to lift my hand and wipe away the blood from my nose and mouth but I'm tied down to this chair. I feel another blow to my face and this one was so powerful that the chair I sat in fell backwards. I can hear his foot steps as he walks in the opposite direction from me.

'Absorb the pain' those words repeat themselves in my head. Absorb? How the hell am I supposed to do that? I'm supposed to just absorb the torture, being kidnapped and talking to a ghost that isn't dead?

So this is it huh? Bullied till death. After all my hard work and dealing with my families hatred, this is it. Man I thought I would have a better death but nope I get bullied for god knows what. Flip even God is my bully. I giggle a bit at that thought.

I giggle even more, I hear footsteps but I don't pay attention to them, I continue giggling. So God knew which means he is my bully, he probably bullied me while I was in my mother's womb, "That's insane!" I blurt out and before I know it, I'm full on laughing at my thoughts and death yet to come. I can't stop.

"She has lost it" Alex says standing next to my head staring down at me. I hadn't noticed him and Vee come next to me.

"I think we broke her" Vee sighs staring into my eyes. "She really is weak" she looks disappointed as Alex picks up the chair I'm in so I sit up. .

I start feeling the restraints on my legs and hands disappear and when I look at my hands, I realize that Vee and Alex are still behind me talking as I giggle.

I get this ticking feeling and again I burst into laughter, harder than I've ever laughed. Vee and Alex walk in front of me to find me holding my stomach and sitting with my left leg under me. Man I feel comfortable.

"How did you get loose?" Vee asks, shock lacing her voice causing me to laugh harder until I feel a hard slap across my face and I stop.  I completely stop and look up at her with no emotion. She takes a step back cautiously.

I inhale deeply before I speak, "so why haven't y'all killed me yet?", I'm curious and both of them look taken aback by my question.

"We need to burn you alive when we kill you and I guess torturing sounds more fun" Alex says and smiles for the first time. I just gave him a blank expression and that seemed to remove his smile quite quickly. I think he wanted me to react but honestly I'm tired and I won't entertain them.

I sit properly and just stare ahead of me. No fear or sadness or any emotion. I'm numb. I remember all the mean things my grandmother used to say to me, she made me feel like shit and my parents never stopped her when she said those bad things.

My own family bullied me before others started. My mother hates me and makes a run for it every chance she gets. You'd swear I was adopted or the devil cursed them with me when I was born.

I made my life look peaceful and like I could handle it. I kept good grades and stayed out of trouble. I even did good deeds just to be on gods good side, as much as I had a moment with my bestie and became rebellious but I made up for it.

I tried to be peaceful but life kicked me in the gut. I watch as Vee and Alex stare at me with worried faces. As if they care.

"Rape her" Vee said nonchalantly and my eyes shot to hers. Did I hear right? Alex's face became hard then he started making his way towards me.

Vee smiled a little but frowned seconds later as she noticed I still didn't show emotion. I didn't look scared or bothered I just paid attention to their movements. "And make sure you enjoy it" Vee added.

For some reason I wasn't worried nor did I care. Alex grabbed my neck and I smiled at him from ear to ear.....

You'd swear she knows something they don't.😱