Diary of a Mad Poet

Forgive

....

Its been two days. Two days that I've locked myself up in this room. Nobody has dared to bother me, even Lexi hasn't popped up to check on me.

I've been hearing breaking of glass and doors being slammed. I've heard Dev screaming at people and banging things I think. I haven't dared to leave this room, my head is just full of thoughts. I've missed so much of school, if I don't go back soon, I won't get to go to university or college. I had so many plans.

I don't know what I am or who I really am. If I was still back home, I'd at least know who I'd become. But now I'm stuck in hell or a place that doesn't look like hell but is where the devil lives.

I hear a loud bang in the room next to mine, I've actually never paid attention to where everyone sleeps so I have no idea who sleeps next to my room. Probably Lilie, she always was clumsy and noisy, or it could be Lexi.

I get of the bed heading to the door, heading towards the room next door. The door violently swings open right when I'm about to knock. And in front of me stands Dev, shirtless with eyes glowing yellow. I can't help but stare at his chest and arm muscles.

"What's wrong?" His voice sounds raspy and dominant, with his eyes scanning my whole body and my insecurities start creeping in. I'm wearing pajama shorts and a black vest. My thighs are fully exposed and I can't help try to cover my body. "Kiah" I look into his eyes and see worry.

"Uhm... Well I heard some noise and wanted to make sure everything was okay" I look over his shoulder and clearly the room is trashed, with books laying on the floor, pieces of glass everywhere and the walls have holes and scratches on them.

"You'll never see them again" I look up at him completely confused and he sees the confusion. "Your family, you'll never see them again, every time you do, you isolate yourself and stay away from me. Kiah I can handle you not talking to me, as long as I can be around you and see you, even if someone else is making you smile but I can't stand the self iso-isolation" his voice cracks at the end and it actually affects me.

"You could have checked on me anytime you wanted" I don't know what to say to him, a piece of me loaths him but the other half of me just feels like he means life itself to me. But I just can't let myself fall for someone I don't know.

"Kiah you put up a barrier around your room, nobody could teleport into your room or even touch the door. You blocked all of us out" he grabs my hand and takes a deep breath, "I tried so hard but the spell you cast was so strong that not even your whole family could break it, I summoned the strongest witch and she said it was no use" he sounds so broken. Well that explains Lexi not coming to bother me or try to cheer me up.

I pull him in and give him a hug which he gladly accepts. "I don't remember casting a spell, I'm sorry that it affected you so bad" I really am sorry. I didn't know I was so powerful, maybe my powers are fueled by emotions. I became so emotionless after the divorce.

"I'm sorry for not giving you the choice, for forcefully taking away your innocence, I'm sorry I'm the reason your family mistreated you all these years. I'm so sorry Kiah" he releases a sigh then breathes my scent in deeply.

I've never heard of a rapist apologizing before, I never thought Satan himself would apologize to me. I really have to start learning how to control my powers. I still am hurt by what my family did and in the end its all really Gods fault for paring me with Dev. But I can't find it in me to forgive my family, I can't let go of what they did to me so easily.

I let go of Dev after a really long silent hug and his eyes are back to normal. He stares at me for a while and due to insecurities I conjure up a black jean and a long white sleeve t-shirt.

"I promise to be worth you someday, to make you fall in love with me so hard you'll understand the world through my description of it". He kisses the back of my hand "I promise I'll drain you of all your hate and fill you up with trust, adoration, happiness and love" he looks at me with anticipating of a response but I don't have one.

I don't even know what love really is.

He leans in and places a kiss on my forehead gently and I can't help to read the emotion on his face in this very moment.

"My lord" I jump releasing a small scream at the unexpected visitor. I turn to find a short beast looking creature, with its whole body black, a long tail, large red eyes and only a bit of blackish red cloth cover its privates.

"Yes" I turn to Dev who is now fully formally dressed.

"You have a meeting with the demon kings, which starts in 2minutes, I suggest you go now" the little creature says with a scratchy voice and I swear it bothers me. Sounds like those demon voices you hear in horror movies, almost as if it finds it difficult to talk.

"You may leave" the creature scurries off really fast then disappears, "I'll see you when I come back, there is a present waiting for you in your room" he lays a kiss to my cheek then disappears. I lean the wall behind me with my back and release a loud sigh.

My life really does suck. I'm not even sure if I forgive Dev for what he did to me, I'm drawn to him but my stubborn ass won't allow myself to give in. Then there's my family.

They can't really expect me to be happy and just understand, I can't just hug them and live happily ever after. It doesn't work that way.

"Grace" a voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I look to my left and find my father walking towards then stops a meter away. I'm really not in the mood. "All I ask is for forgiveness from my only daughter"

"Dev has a better chance of being forgiven than you father" I say rolling my eyes.

"Why can't you forgive us, why can't you forgive me especially when you know why we did what we did?" He sounds broken, but that doesn't change how I feel. I turn and face him.

"Maybe its because I feel like Dev only did one thing wrong,  maybe in my head all he did was rape me multiple times, but my family did way more. I've been beaten, isolated, ignored, turned into a slave for the whole family, I've been starved so I could lose weight, I've been bullied by my own family and I was shown so much hatred". I say calmly.

"I know we have hurt you-"

"No, y'all have done way worse. I have no life nor a choice of who I could be, y'all have created a monster and now because you can't control it, you ask for it's forgiveness", I stare into his eyes seeing the guilt.

"Grace this is tearing me apart, I'm so sorry, I really am. I don't know what to do to make things right, I'll do anything. Just forgive me please" he begs and for a second I want to love him and try to understand that he did it out of love, but I will not forgive him.

"I am not ready to forgive your absence in my life, I am not ready to embrace the love you offer now but couldn't when I needed it and I will not acknowledge you or your family as my blood. We are no longer family, I server that bond and release you of any ties to me. I am no longer your concern" I turn around and start walking toward the kitchen, away from my father.

Till next time😊
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