Diary of a Mad Poet

dead to me

Its been two days since the whole Dev eating my dead soul out but not letting me touch the stars.

I haven't spoken to him since that day, not because I'm angry I didn't climax. I'm embarrassed. I mean, my body isn't perfect and yeah yeah I know that nobody is perfect, bluh, bluh bluh. But its different when your thighs spread out like cookie dough on a pan, when you sit down.

When your body weight is not the same as a models, then you sorta don't love yourself to the full extent. I do adore myself but I still have insecurities. I let a guy touch me, well actually he didn't give me the option. Again! Might I add. My waist is a bit small which makes it difficult for me to find the perfect jean, that fits without me having to get it fixed.

Did I mention that Lexi taught me how to conjure up clothing, yeah she did, so now I actually get the perfect jeans. Anyway like I was saying, I'm not happy with my fat ass and huge curves and extra thick thighs, no matter how much I'm always fixing my body. I'm always working out, well I used to before this whole drama with me being the main character. Now I don't work out and my insecurities are back.

I think Dev thinks I'm mad at him, which I am in a way. I'm just not sure what is supposed to happen, he is so odd. I keep yearning for him and I always cover it up but Lexi has noticed it. I think its due to the triple 6 on my neck which I found out happened when I got raped and he bit me.

So we have some kinda bond but the mark isn't complete yet, apparently it is supposed to turn into a shape or symbol that will represent our relationship. Which will only happen when the mating thing is completed.

I've absorbed so much information in the last two days, Lexi won't let me be alone, so I had to forget about isolating myself.

I'm currently sitting in the dinning room chewing on my cornflakes, while Lexi keeps talking about how unfair it was that she had to clean up our mess, while I got 'tongue time' as she calls it. I swear she never stops talking.

"Where is she?" A deep male voice says, coming from somewhere in this colossal house. And I know that voice, I cannot deal with that right now.

"I suggest you keep things peaceful" Dev says from around the corner. Then in walks my father with Dev behind him.

"She is my daughter, I can handle it" my father says and I role my eyes at his words. "Pumpkin we need to talk" he sits in front of me and I ignore him and continue eating.

I mean 'pumkin' really!?. This man hasn't spoken or seen me in 6years and he comes back and calls me 'pumpkin'.

"You are no longer a child Grace, I suggest you act accordingly" my father demands and I roll my eyes, "I'm still your father!" He bangs his hand on the table and I jump, looking up from my bowl I realize we are not alone.

My mother stands at the entry way into the dinning, along with some guy that looks a lot like my father. I swear if I find out I have a brother I'm going to lose it, worse part he looks about 22 or 24. With dark brown hair and dark eyes too.

Lexi hasn't moved from beside me, Dev is standing behind my father and Lilie is beside him. Great, she has to be here too. I need space, just a week or two would have done me good, but noooo! Instead I get like 3days and even so, I haven't had a chance to think since I got here.

I stand up slowly, paying attention to everyone's movements just as much as they are paying to mine. I start walking towards the kitchen with my bowl in hand but I stop when I notice the small belly bumb on my mom.

We stare at each other for a couple of seconds before I turn and start walking again. "You are going to have a younger sibling soon, so you need to start acting like a big sister" my mother says as I walk into the kitchen. They are all behind me, I can feel them. I put my bowl in the sink, ignoring the maid who by the way has tattoos all over her face, pitch black eyes, long dark hair that reaches her waist and black claws. Creepy. Okay I can't ignore her.