the truth will out

6. Being Productive

As I feel my body coming into consciousness I feel Norman stretch against my back and my face half stuck to the leather of the sofa.
I raise my head and immediately feel the stiffness of my neck and shoulders before opening my eyes and squinting through the sun light streaming in through the huge windows.
I sit up, confused as to why I'm on the sofa instead of in bed, but quickly remember yesterday's fight. I rub my face, which feels tight from the dried tears.
Groaning, I lie back down, staring up at the ceiling as Norman places his head on my stomach.
"what are we gonna do normy?" I try to say, but it comes out as a hoarse whisper, which will be from the shouting and crying. I've always had a bit of a weak voice.

After laying there for a couple of minutes it truly hits me that I have to get over this. I have to be more productive. I have to get myself back to how I used to be. I haven't even left the house in a month, I've never done that before.
I force myself to get up, much to Norman's annoyance, and decide to write a list of things I need and want to do today.
. Eat a proper meal
. Shower
. Take Norman for a walk (not just in the backyard)
. Meet a friend or dad

I decide not to write workout, although I was tempted, because I've been doing so much meditation lately I don't feel the need to workout.
I stand at the kitchen counter staring at the quick list I wrote on the back of a takeaway menu. It seems pretty do-able.
"right first...I'll shower then see if courteney wants to meet up for lunch" I say to myself as Norman walks around my feet telling me he's hungry.
I feed him then walk to the bathroom, my throat itching from it being sore.

I took a long shower where I tried to think about everything good about the last month but I only came up with one thing... Peace and quiet.

I really went all out in the shower: I shaved, washed my hair with the special and expensive treatment and used a deep cleansing face scrub. Once out I put on my tanned moisturizer and even put on my toe ring again which I took off when I broke my toe and never put back on.
I walk through to the bedroom wrapped in a fluffy white towel but soon hit a problem.
As I open my drawers I realise how empty they look, riffling through all of them I start to freak out over where all my underwear's gone before I look around the room and see my unpacked suitcase in the corner. I'd only dipped into it every so often to get clean clothes out, not nearly as much as I should've, so all my clothes were still tightly packed.
I once again dived in and dug out some underwear, kakhi shorts and a tank top but I couldn't find a bra.
"eh well... I've gone braless so many times already" I smirked to myself.
Once changed I dried my hair and curled it slightly, nothing drastic.

As I'm sat at the vanity I go into my jewellery box and as I notice it my eyes immediately start stinging once again. I pick it up and feel the cold metal against my hand. I'm holding the necklace brad gave me on our first anniversary.
But just as quickly as I noticed it I dropped it as if it had burned me. I wasn't going to let him or any of that back in.

I finished putting on my makeup, already feeling better, and went downstairs to Norman sleeping by the sofa.
"hey... wanna go for a walk normy?" i ask in the annoying high pitch voice everyone does when talking to pets or babies. His ears immediately prick up and he starts wagging his tail. I smile and head back to the room where his dog collar is.
"oh shit" I say remembering the one thing I can't forget as I turn into the bathroom and pick the wedding ring up off the counter. I wiggle it onto my finger, liking the familiarity of having a ring on that finger again.

Once I'm out the house and walking down the road with Norman slightly ahead I feel like I can breathe again. It's a hot day and my sandals rub slightly but as I watch Norman try to chase a bird, I think of nothing except how nice the cool breeze feels.
Soon enough we make it to the beach and I let Norman off his lead to run wildly into the water and back towards me.
I sit down on one of the sand dunes, ignoring the paparazzi a bit away, and bring my knees to my chest, resting my arms and head atop them.
I pull out my phone from my pocket and call courteney.
"hello?"
"hi Court, its me" I say as if she doesn't know who I am.
"hey how are you?" she asks in the slightly annoying, feeling sorry for you, voice.
"I'm erm...I'm great actually. I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch and catch up a little?"
"of course, but I can't be bothered going anywhere so why don't we just eat at ours?" she suggests.
I feel a twinge of jealousy hearing her say "ours". I should be the one saying 'ours'.
"yeah sure" I smile shaking it off "me and norm are actually down at the beach so we'll just walk up in a bit"

After ending the call I whistle for Norman to come back to me, brad spent two evenings teaching me how to get the fingers under my tongue just right to get the loudest possible whistle.
I openly laugh as I see him run towards me struggling with the biggest stick ever seen. It's almost the same height as me I note as he drops it and waits for me to get up.
I pick the stick up and realise I look like a shepherd herding my lamb, "was this stick big enough?" I ask him almost as if I'm expecting a reply.
We set off walking down the beach, Norman running slightly ahead, completely oblivious to the cameras just as I'm trying to be. However luckily they're not shouting anything or asking questions.
I try to drop the stick but everytime Norman circles back and picks it up again.

It's a long walk down the beach to courteneys and after a while I feel the blisters start to form on my heel so I stop, using the stick for balance and take off the sandals. I now move closer to the water letting the waves lap against my ankles and I carry a stick in one hand and my shoes in the other.

Once we arrive at courteneys I immediately drop into a chair outside and drink the much needed margarita she hands me.
I tell her about the fight and she tries her hardest to make me smile about the situation by bad mouthing brad as much as she can. I also tell her about having not yet unpacked.
"why are you still there?"
"hmm?" I ask looking up confused as I sip my drink.
"in that mansion on your own. You don't need it and it's not good being around those memories"
"I know Court but I have no where else plus we spent so much money and time on that house" I say putting emphasis on the word house as courteney knows I hate it when she calls it a mansion "and it would just seem like a waste to move out so quickly after moving in"
"well he certainly doesn't think so" she mutters, sipping on her straw.
I sigh as I look out across the lawn at Norman running around trying to catch a butterfly.
"you know" says courteney leaning forward almost secretively "I know someone who's renting a small beach condo thing not far down the beach, you probably passed it actually, and it's stunning. One bedroom, one bath. It's perfect... come on" I notice she has a glint in her eye as if she's planning something "you've just been saying how you wanna be more productive... this is how to do it"
I sit and contemplate it... what's really the worst that could happen?
"is it really that nice?"
"ugh it's so your style" courteney smirks, probably knowing she's already won the persuasion.
"alright" I sigh, but then my stomach drops as I realise what I'm gonna have to do. Courteney seems to notice too as she asks what's wrong.
"I'm gonna need to call brad and tell him I'm moving out" I look at her with dread etched all over my face.
"so?" I hate how courteney can be so unfased by things "he moved out why can't you?"

After an hour of back and forth arguing, even Norman had given up on getting the butterfly that was mocking him and is now asleep at my feet, courteney quickly grabs my phone out my pocket and dials brads number before handing me the phone.
"what are you doing?" I hiss but she doesn't reply, just holds the phone out to me.
I snatch it out her hand as I hear the faint voice down the phone.
"err hello?"
"lalalala bla bla laaaa"
My face drops and I feel as though I'm going to be physically sick as I realise that it's not brad that's answered... It's a little kid.